Each day is a challenge that I wake up welcoming some days, others, I would much rather pull the covers over my head and just sleep the day away. It isn’t straightforward this world we live in. It seems like every minute of the day, you see a new blog, post, or news story that shows you that this world seems to be out to get you. NOT the world mind you but her occupants.
I often wonder why there are so many mixed emotions from one hour till the next. I am bombarded with others’ likes and dislikes, this article and then that article, oh and let us not forget all the well-meant advice. It makes one really want to run off into the woods and become a hermit.
As I walk through this valley of death, well, let me not get so dramatic. But really, it does seem like we all walk through some kind of valley of darkness. Now, if I had a choice and knew that I may come across one of these valleys’, I sure as hell would not go without a light. It isn’t until I have made it halfway through, sat down, and cried that I find that little ray of sunshine to help me get through the rest of my journey for the day.
Life is not easy, but it has some easy ways about it sometimes. So this got me to thinking. What does my Lyme Disease have to show me, to teach me to help me? I really can not say that it has been a blessing, but it has helped me to make my own health a priority. There is so much misleading information out there, and Lyme is not like anything else out there, as there is not just one kind of Lyme. Lyme comes with an army of co-infections. There is no one fits all chemical treatment. I know that other illnesses are not helped by this approach, either. Those who do make it to the other side of their illness only survived by sure will and love. They also survived what chemical reaction that was given them by their own will to survive. I do not believe in the use of medications alone. Healing is a Whole Body, Mind, and Spiritual journey.
My Lyme has become a way of life, not that I really want to accept that, I would much rather this be a mind over matter thing. I would much rather will it to go away or find that one magical way of curing this, but that isn’t the way life works is it? I know of some very well intention holistic health practitioners that say that it all comes down to belief. But do they really believe that? Or is that what they have told themselves and want others to think? How would they know it is a mind over matter thing if they have never dealt with what others are going through.
I once reacted the same way to others’ plight, which is totally unfair, to take their feelings and make them trivial. How dare anyone tell you that you should feel this way instead of that way!!
I have tried going to that extreme of changing my belief that I can control how I react to this disease, I have even tried to forget I have it. I would end up suffering extreme pain and awful digestive issues. I have learned from trial and error that I have to be very diligent with myself as a whole, or I suffer significant consequences for my actions. There comes a time when mind over matter is more harmful than accepting and being loving towards yourself.
I have come to an awakening that I will never know it all, that I do not have to be perfect and that it is okay to love the parts of me that are broken. Am I broken, though, or is this one of those things I was meant to experience while here on this earth plane? I came here naked and afraid, I got no booklet on how this life would be. So how the hell can I judge myself or let others judge me when non of us have a freaking clue what one day will hold from the next? At best, it is a guessing game, and we are here to do the best we can. To stand the line and love yourself is your only choice!
So My Lyme Disease is teaching me how to honor, love, respect, protect, and be humble in this world. I am learning how to love my challenges, my victories, and my defeats. I am learning to draw boundaries and love myself each and every minute of the day. Lyme is teaching me to let go of others’ well-meant advice and find my own truths. I celebrate the days I can get up and do all that I wish, I honor myself when I can only sit and wait for a better moment to come. There was a time I pushed myself no matter what I was dealing with. And didn’t love me for being the best I could be at that moment, and there are some days I still do that and dishonor who I am because I have listened to others.
So my best advice to myself, question everything!! Also to listen to me with no judgment or preconceived thoughts from outside sources. It really does come down to shutting out the world and listing to your own heart and intuition. And even though this may feel foreign, it will become more comfortable with practice. The biggest thing Lyme has taught me is that the more I am in an eternal struggle with myself, the worse I feel. The more I listen to others, the more harm I do to myself. I can only trust and live by my own intuition and belief, so I better be one with myself.
Whatever it is that you may be struggling with or dealing with, remember that it is really a teacher. The faster you can come to recognize that, the quicker you will be able to make this situation a blessing. Until next time, remember to trust in your process and your guidance. You are never alone.