Death and the Holidays

I usually try and keep my writings positive in nature, but sometimes I need to turn around and face those things I try and hide from.  As the holidays come up, it is easy to try and distract me from the everyday challenges I face.  It’s not easy being a visitor to this place we call earth.  It is downright hard to get through some days.

I have a little fur baby who isn’t doing well, she has been with me for nearly 15 years. She struggles each day to eat and sleep.  No matter all that I have done for her, she seems not to get better.  I have done all I can for her over several years.  It doesn’t help that she has been sickly all her life.  So that brings up my question for the day.

Why do we have to suffer?  Why do we have to watch others suffer? Why do these questions come up around the holidays??  I kid, these questions come up all the time, but around the holidays, they seem to stand out more.

It seems so pointless at times when you sit back and look at life, that all the struggles all the years of trying, learning, and working, it all ends up coming down to death.  Nothing I work for gets to go with me. The only thing I get to take with me is my memories.  I came here naked I will leave naked.  I guess that is why I am always giving things away that I do not use.   But the friends, the fur babies the kids, I wouldn’t mind if we all got to leave together.

One thing I have been working on is my memories, we can either leave them a mess or fix them up.  I would much instead make a beautiful memory than to keep a messed up one.  One way to do this is when a memory comes up that is not so good, find the good in it.  It takes as much energy to make a bad memory as it is to make a good one.  Which one do you want to carry around? Which one do you want to take with you?

If you knew that your memories will follow you for life, which ones would you rather live with forever??

Why do we come here to this earth place?  It really does make one want to find a way to be distracted.

Today I have more distractions than ever, more worries, and more fear.  I remember as a kid how life was just one big adventure, well when I got away from my moms’ endless chore list,  and then as I went up in grades and got older, fear of the unknown become my everyday existence.

I have since drastically changed my life, I eat organic, I turned off the tv, I do not watch the news, and I meditate more.  Ever so often, I will watch a tv program like holiday cooking, and to my horror, I  find that the commercials have become a horror story.  My Goodness, why are we allowing what we pay for, come into our homes and scare us?  So wonder this world suffers from PTSD!         But I digress!

My greatest fear about my little fur baby passing on is that I will have to take her to a vet and have to put her to sleep on a cold, hard, stainless steel bed.  In a place of stress and fear.   I hate taking my fur kids to a doctor, hell I hate taking anyone to a Doctor. 

I don’t fear her dying, nor do I fear my death, I fear how much hurt this world can inflict before she or I can die.  Every day we are inundated with nothing but fear.  It is a shame that so much pain is caused by our doctor’s offices and hospitals.   I have joked with my kids, but in truth I am serious, I really would rather walk around in nature and die than in a hospital bed. I am not afraid of pain that my body causes me, I am fearful of the pain others will inflict.

So that brings up another fear I have had a struggle with. HOLIDAYS.  What a fear fest this season has become.  We are forced to be around family; we do not care to be around most of the year.  We are forced to make nice with those who make us sick and sad.  Why is it expected of us to give a gift to someone we do not like?? Who made up the law that I have to spend time around someone who hates themselves?? And that is what it is, those who are miserable, make themselves miserable.  By the choices they make.  So why do I have to be part of their miserable party? I DON”T!

So wonder heart attacks are higher around this time of year! Each day that we do not live our truth is a stressful day, which then causes disease!  Think about that one.   So just maybe one of your presents this year is to ask those around you who are miserable,” why do you hate yourself.”  And then give yourself to let them be them, even if that means you have to get away from them.

As I learn to let go of the stresses of the Holidays, I am also learning how to deal with those questions about death.

It is not the death of my little fur baby, I fear; it is the way she dies that I fear.  Is that not true for any of us?  I realize I need to allow her to go the way she wants to.  I am trusting that I will be there for her and that I do not have to think ahead.

One thing I am recognizing, the more in the future I think about, the more panic I feel.  The more I think about what has happened in the past, the more depressed I feel.  So when I find myself panicking or getting depressed, I know I need to bring myself back to the present.  I need to stop second-guessing my love, my heart.

Breathing mindfully helps, but so does acknowledge where your mindset is.  If you’re panicking, your mind is thinking way faster than your heart.  I have had to find a way to remind myself to be in the present moment.  Mindful breathing and looking inside of myself has and continues to help me.  I set the alarm for several times a day, to go off to remind me to breathe to be heartful.  It is working, but it takes lots of practice.  Some days I do better than others.

I do know that there is no death. There is the only transition.  It is the fear of how it will happen that gets me messed up.  If I knew for sure how I will move forward from this life, I would not worry so much.  I know in my heart I am 99.9% spirit and only 1% human.  I know I am a visitor here, and I am fine with this, it is how I leave that I am working on.

So for this holiday time, I am giving myself the gift of the heart.  I am working on being more honest with myself, allowing others to be themselves and not getting wrapped up in the Holiday BS.

I am loving my little fur angel and doing all I can to make her as comfortable and loved as I can.  I am not allowing the past or the future to mess up the now I have with her.  I am allowing her to make her choice on how she goes.  It is not up to me to make her do what others think is best.  SO for now, she and I snuggle and love, I give her good broths and allow her to rest.  I trust that she and spirit will let me know what she needs.  I believe in my heart!

For the holidays, maybe become aware of those things you give your energy to, those who you hang with, those who you may need to let go of. Find your way out of the matrix and be in the present.  Love what you have now and let go of what you think you need.  It is time to be honest with your worries and fears.  What a wonderful time of year to give yourself a huge hug and lots of love.  It is okay to have those worries, those fear, but realize you have power over them IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THEM AND LOVE THEM! BREATHE….. you got this!


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