Dear Universe I am ready for the new beginnings that I feel is suppose to happen.
Wow to give up on how you control everything and trust in the universe is pretty scary. So I am Ten days into my Reiki challenge. A lot has happened…
I got the flu bug, so it has been a rough seven days to be sure. Why is it that when we are sick, we seem to have more past hurts and bothers come to the surface?
I know that Reiki helps us to heal as a whole. The mind the body and the soul, yet it also has a way of going into the Karmic past. That place where you may still be stuck, but you have tried to ignore and continue on. Here’s the thing though, in all reality you have not moved from that place of hurt ever. There are still things you seem to repeat over and over, with relationships you find you may be doing the same thing with your relationship year after year.
You may see it in your finances, no matter how well you plan or how much you have tried to change your circumstances, you still are living paycheck to paycheck. There are those rare times you see yourself getting a bit ahead but then seem to fall back into to that black hole once more.
As I have been discovering these past ten days, there is more in my past that I have not been healing and they are starting to cause me issues. I believe we all come back to earth with the same people. Over and over we come back but play different roles in each other’s lives. That is why we feel such a connection to one another. That is why we feel such pain, sorrow, hatred, love, jealousy. We are all connected, and a chance meeting really isn’t by chance it is meant to be.
We are hurt so badly and can’t understand why that person would do that. Why someone we love would do what they do, or that miss opportunity that we didn’t take, how it affects us so profoundly. Why? Are they times we had planned, and they got away from us? Missed out times can be the most painful to me. The other day I had an epiphany, I can not stand this one person in my life. Well, to be honest, there are several people, but I try not to rock the boat and play nice. I wonder why? I don’t owe these people but, there is this one guy in particular who makes my blood boil.
I had a breakthrough about this last night. I was so angry and hurt at what this person is allowed to do. He is not nice, not caring and he is hurting those around me. I am not the only one who sees this. Yet everyone seems to give this guy a free pass to act up. I can’t stand it. It goes against all the love, all the care, all that is me! Yet I feel like I owe this asshole a free pass so I can have the one thing he is keeping me from. I blame it on those past teachings in my life. I am stuck in a karmic place where I was not able to protect myself or my loved ones once more. My parents were horrors, they were very strict, and Children were to be seen not heard, and we were to be more ghost-like even when seen. I had no say I had to play by their rules or loose things I loved. I had to protect my sisters and brother it was my job. Yet no matter how good I tried to be, how much I played the game, I never could win.
When we have a karmic hurt/ a past hurt, we cannot grow or go forward till we can love and heal that place we are stuck. I call them karmic because I believe they are, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. It is up to me to find and heal those places others bring forward from my past. As I have been preaching, we are here to learn and grow.
I trust in the universe to bring into my life everything I have dreamed about and New Dreams as well! I believe in the moves that are coming in my life, brought to me by my higher self. It is hard to trust in a higher self when we have been taught we have no control over our lives. We do have a higher self though, who is trying to help us to learn we do have power and we can move into a safe place to heal. It may not be the ideal place we had in mind, but it will be better if we allow that healing to take place.
This guy has no real control over me, he only brings up a past issue that has me feeling as though I somehow cannot be strong and stand up for the truth that is me. I do not want to be mean or angry. I realize I can walk away and stay away until I can heal those deep-rooted places of hurt. I don’t want to hear, see or feel like I am to be blamed for all that happens in the world. My parents were like that my husband and ex-husband are like this. I can’t stand hearing the bad stuff the mean stuff. I feel like I am backed into a corner, and I am so ready to come out swinging, and I mean to hurt people, and that isn’t ME!!!
I am noticing that I am withdrawing from life, I am depressed and I feel like I am always fighting to be me. I don’t care if I am right I care about not being a punching bag for others. I can not be around these people in my life right now. In Reiki we are taught we can walk away from those people who are not helping us. Sure we all need the assholes, the morons, the good and the ugly of people. But we do have a choice, to get out and away from them once we have been awakened to that deep hurt that needed to be seen and healed. There is no reason to keep beating your head up against a wall!!!
So this is where I am as of today, I am looking at how I can subtract some folks out of my life, but lovingly and kindly. A way that helps me to be the kind, and the loving person I love to be.
I love and trust you, Universe. I know that all will be better than I could imagine my life being. I give up the old past hurts, the control that others have on me. I cut the cords with St. Michaels help. The cables of guilt, of owing others love when they don’t want to give love back. I cut the ties from the past as they do not serve me anymore. I take back my actions that come from wounds inflicted so long ago. I love the person I am and honor her with respect she craves.