These days where all things go so well for me are the ones I adore the most. When all that you had loved so much, even when your heart was breaking are so sweetly put back together. I had lost all hope that my Daughter and I would ever talk let alone find that love only a mother or daughter share come flowing back into my life.
The battles I have been dealing with all seemed to fade away once I turned towards that pain with love. Not that love where you say the words in the hope that you will get something. Those times you will say anything to get what you want, it’s so much deeper than that. It is a Zen thing, and it is all those words you hear from gurus that want to sell you their self-help books.
I had gotten back into allow pray/spells to be my go to when I don’t know what to do. When I reconnect with my higher being and let them speak to me, I found a wealth of HELP! It is hard to believe that there is a high us up there trying to help us. It is hard when all that I was taught was how much I lacked without the guidance from others. I was informed there is no magic in this world, and that I have no control over the situations I come up against.
We have so much power, but most of the time we are so scared by that very thought, that we end up ignoring it, our hearts try so hard to show us, but we ignore it.
The heart is where we need to be, deeply entrenched and listening. I found as I got deeper into my heart and found my truth, things started to happen. My daughter found her way back to me for one thing. I noticed how being more loving towards myself brought magic back into my life. That love of self is so important. It feels like this, it’s when you are at your lowest, hurting beyond hurt, and you reach deep and tell yourself how much you love you. I sat there in pain and told myself the very things I was hoping I would hear from others. I fancied myself for the strength I am, and I loved me for being so beautiful and durable. I cried as I told myself how proud I was of how much I gave and cared.
It is too embarrassing to look in a mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and so loved. WHY!? To walk up to that mirror and look deeply into your eyes and tell your self… I love you!!
I didn’t give in to the drink or have someone prescribe me medications. Ohhh they tried, and there were times I thought that was the only way to go, yet somewhere very deep I heard a scream, and it kept growing.
I love how much I care and allow my care to get me hurt in some of the most horrible ways. All the walls I had been building started to crumble and finally fall to the ground as dust before my feet.
As I go through the days of my life, I remind myself how I am here to learn, to love and to feel. It is hard when we find ourself limiting that last part. FEELING is the blessing, and it is the key I have been looking for all my life. I talk of feeling like this. It is the way we think about yourself. I feel sorry for those who become drones in this world. They get up and do the same old same old every day. The zombie apocalypse is here, and it is has been taught to you.
When I awoke, I could see the colors of my life so bright so loving. I allowed all those fears of what others may think…go. There is no one more important than you. Life is about you, not anyone else. Nirvana is that realization. When you are kind, loving, and giving towards yourself, you are free to provide those things to others around you. It happens naturally.
As I got more loving towards myself, things in my life started to fall more apart, but they also got better. I had to allow myself to feel all those hurts, fears, loss of control. Once I did, I found the strength I had no idea I had come bubbling up from places I had to build walls.
I found myself stopping, listening profoundly and staying out of others conflicts. I asked my heart to give me the words I needed more often. I controlled how I reacted and allowed things I could not manage to go. It wasn’t easy, and it isn’t meant to be. Taught that I was supposed to do for others, not for myself, really messed me up. What an injustice that has become to this world. If we showed our tiny little people how to care for themselves first…ohhh wow, the changes we would see in this world. Think of the blessings our children could be. Life is meant to be lived, not feared, fear is to be experienced, life is to be lived fully.
It is love that we all seek. It is the acceptance for being ourselves, to be loved for who and what we are no matter what. To have someone proud of us and helping to encourage us to keep learning and trying even when life has us pen down in despair. I found that when I stop caring what others wanted from me and listen to only my heart, I found my power. I stopped trying to win the approval of others and trusted in my thoughts. I quit asking for the opinions of others and cast my prayer/spells to help me talk from my heart. I cast my prayers/spells to help me be a better person towards me.
Be true to thy self. I was so excited that I could live those words and not make others believe in them. I do not have to force my belief on anyone one else to be right. I am right in my love for me. I can screw up, make a mess and still be the most loving person I want to be. I don’t need the judgment from others to help me be the person I want to become and neither do you.
How freeing to be yourself, and until you look deeply you will not know who that person is. I wish you many sparkling days of revelations. I love every moment I find a new facet of myself. I am stronger and happier each time I see that wall that was hiding another part of me tumbling down.
I remind myself that life here on this earth is meant to find ways around limitations, loving myself more than others, and allow the true me the freedom to be.