Middle Ground

Wednesday, the day in the middle of the week, that day where you can almost see the end of the week, yet you’re still very close to the beginning.  I feel like my Disease is the same way.  There are days I feel close to maybe finding that cure and then I am set back once more.   I have found that it is true when we think too far ahead we become anxious.  I really have seen this with looking to the past, I end up getting very depressed.

Illness is the same way.  When we are looking toward the future we can overwhelm ourselves with the thoughts of where we should be instead of just being where we are today.

These past couple of weeks I have been running, not the physical kind but the mental kind.  I want to run from the pain, the limitations, the future.  I think that if I can find a distraction in moving away from the disease, I will find relief.  Crazy how the mind works isn’t it? If I can run from the place I love, be it my home, then I can be better.  I think the mind feels it is missing out if it isn’t doing something anything to get you away from what you need to experience.

I sat down and took some deep breaths.  My home and my life right now are very well suited in helping me to help myself.  The thought that I am missing out is the distraction.  I am not missing out.  I am living a full life right here in my heart.  Not many of us get to have these moments.  It is easier to deflect and find distractions than to sit and be with one’s self.  Of course, it doesn’t seem like a blessing when one is in the throes of their pain and suffering.  Yet when you can calm yourself down and count your blessings and remember that you have all you have prayed for at this time and space, you realize just how blessed you are.

So I sat there listening to the wind blow through the cedars, while the doves sang and watched the quail search for food with their little ones.  I found many things to be grateful for.  I may not have this disease licked yet but I haven’t given up either.  I am in search of ways to help not only me but others as well.  Life is about overcoming the obstacles not being defeated by them.  Turning off the social media, the tv the music and reconnecting with that darker side of yourself, helps you gain perspective on what really is essential.  Being connected to you is the key to overcoming anything.

How wonderful would it be if instead of teaching our kids false history we taught them how to calm their limited thinking, that fear-based thinking, and become quiet and loving in themselves?  We can’t show them what we have not experienced for ourselves though.

My disease is teaching me how to trust in that deep inner voice, to trust in my capabilities, and to trust that I am on the right path and no I am not being punished but granted a superior gift.  Not many people get to live the heartfelt life like I am.  Not many folks get to find their reward in a disease. I have come so far and done it on my own.  I have not given in to the medical community and become a guinea pig to their practicing medicine.

I see illness as not a limitation anymore but a limitless opportunity to a fortune of truly, profound living.  When I got quiet and saw all that I have accomplished instead of failure, I felt the determination and felt pride in all the work I have done so far. I have found victory through many Wednesdays in my life.

So there you have it, Wednesday not the beginning not the end either.  This day is the middle ground of the week.  You can take the high road or the low road.  It is all up to you.   What victories have you accomplished this Wednesday?


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