I have been on a sabbatical of sorts this past couple of weeks. I have really been diving into my health and coming out on the other side with a better understanding, but kind of feeling spacing about it all. When I finally woke up and realize that I really do create everything EVERYTHING in my life, it was like having a bucket of Ice cold water thrown on me.
The first thing that hit me was the reality that I have been suffering for years, and it had absolutely nothing to do with anyone other than me. NO government conspiracy, no religious dogma I fell into. No, Mom and Dad didn’t f— me up and that the only reason I was where I was, was because they forgot who they were and helped me to forget who I really was and where I came from.
So I have been suffering from a diagnosis of resistance to my natural state of well-beingness. I have created illnesses so I could feel important, to feel like I belong all because I had pinched my self off to the nature of my well being. It is easy with all the thoughts we are bombarded with every day.
When I got off the merry-go-round of social media in all forms, I was able to hear from a more profound, better feeling place. This deeper place of consciousness that is ever guiding me to the truth which is me. I expand in thought more and more, and I can feel when I have a blockage or am in resistance to who I am. I get sick, feel pain, tired, bored, anxious, depressed and the list goes on and on.
Yesterday I had such an episode. I was doing pretty much my usual things, but I felt out of sort, I was not happy, but I was pleased. I felt dizzy, light headed, really drained, weepy, had pain in my neck and jaw, and my digestive system was upset. I tried going to my chiropractor, but I came out feeling worse for the wear. I thought maybe I was in need of a good colon cleanse and started on a new regiment to help assist this.
I now realize I was in action mode not in an emotional mode. I was not feeling my energies and was trying to make myself feel better by using action instead of stepping back, getting quiet and listening to my inner guidance.
For years I have tried to push myself out of any illness, not looking at the broader level of where this physical pain was manifesting from, not giving thought that it was an energy block. Have you ever gone to your chiropractor or acupuncturist and they seem to move your pain from one part of your body to another, say you have a pain in your wrist and then after they work on that part of you, the next day you fingers are killing you or your foot is killing you? Energy moves, but there is a way to help it run entirely out of the body.
So here I was with these issues, and I ignored them by going into action and started a colon cleanse. The pain I woke up with the next day was devastating I felt like I needed to go to the hospital. I knew that going to a hospital would do nothing for me and in fact, they would have made it worse. I walked and cried I laid down and cried. I had no idea what to do, so I laid there and got quiet as best as I could. I thought about what may be causing the issue. I promised myself I would not take that mineral again, I drank lots of water, I got up made a cup of chai tea, turned on a good movie which took my mind off my pain for a couple of minutes.
I relaxed a bit, the warmth of the tea seemed to help as well. When I got to thinking of the pain, I started to hurt really bad. I turned up the tv and got back into the movie. The pain went away, woo ok this was working, I stopped worrying as best as I could, I didn’t get online and look up my symptoms, I just concentrated on the movie. Before I knew it an hour went by, and I was able to get up and walk around, in fact, I felt hungry but stayed with tea and water. I found another movie and got into that. I made sure to remind myself that I would flush out this mineral and not retake it.
I woke up this morning, not in pain, I felt great. I sat down with my mushroom coffee and decided to figure out what had happened. I asked my inner guide or source and waited for the answer. I love to get up early in the morning and listen to Abraham Hicks. The messages came to me through one of her Youtube videos. I felt like I had asked Abraham and he was answering just me. Listening to the answer felt like coming home from a long trip, that amazing feeling you get when you crawl under your soft sheets and smell of clean that engulfs you. That is the way Abraham’s words were to me, they wash away the confusion reminding me of who I am and of a home far away that I had forgotten.
The answer I was looking for was right there for me. I found that I was in resistance to my inner guide, I was holding back on emotions that I needed to experience. I had been so excited about all the unusual ways I could create but was forgetting to experience the very things I came here to experience. I forgot that I was here to live fully in the now, I was too far ahead and was out running my desires. I ran from one lesson to the next forgetting to keep a connection to my guidance system and lost my way. If I had stopped as soon as I felt dizzy, bored, weepy, I would have caught myself before that energy block could manifest into a real pain. If I had stopped action and reaction and just got quiet looked for things to appreciate it would have allowed those things that were bubbling up from deep within to come to the surface. I would never have manifested that terrible pain.
The body is fantastic, it communicates with every cell every atom it connects with the source for all that it needs, and it can stay in a state of wellbeing forever. When we are happy, joyful and not in resistance our bodies stay in a constant place of wellbeing. I had caused the separation with my inner guidance or source and that caused my body to show me that I was in the resistance.
We do not have to become sick to die. I can go around super healthy, lie down one night and decide to go back to that place in which I originated from.
I caused my sickness when I came into resistance with feeling an emotion I had been hiding from. My natural state of happiness, my unique, kind and creative self-was cut off from me. When I was trying to do something to help myself I was not able to connect with my inner guidance, I caused myself harm. It’s sad but we think that we have to go outside of yourself to find health, I am a seer of wellbeing. I want to see people as well as myself in our natural state. It is my practice now to help myself see what my inner guidance and source sees me as.
When I am not entirely feeling my emotions, when I am judging others as well as myself, I am going totally against the real me. My inner guide, who is me, only sees the good of this world and of the people who live here. There isn’t one of us who doesn’t want to be loved or to love, it is the lies of a few that have become beliefs that segregate us from that exact feeling. That is why I became ill.
Many of us are not in alignment with the real truth of who we are. It takes work to stay in alignment once we find it. Yet the work is easy and fun, it just takes time to retrain our thought patterns to seek our the emotions instead of the action of doing.
I allowed the thought of what I was in resistance to. It came to me super fast. For years I have found a place in society by being sick in some way. I got attention from being sick I felt like I belong when I was ill I made what others thought right for me. I felt like I needed to please others so that I could belong and be accepted. I was always sick because that’s what I was taught was the only way to be a part of this world. What I really wanted was to do what I wanted to do, I wanted to be loved for who I was, and for them to be happy with the way I was.
I am now finding that happiness, and I am feeling the acceptance I always craved. I FOUND IT IN ME> I don’t care what others are doing, I hope they are happy with what they are doing. I don’t care what they think of me, I love what I am doing. I don’t care what is happening in this world because I feel deep inside of me, that everything is going to work out great! I know that if someone or something comes to me for help I will help if I can. I trust in my guidance.
I am a hundred percent better today, no stomach complaints, I know my body is creating a natural state of wellbeing. I know that all I have to do is allow what is natural for my body. When I am connected with my inner guide, I know that my body is not in resistance. When I am not in opposition, I will not create energy blocks which then generate an illness in me.
I have the power to create my world the way I want, I trust my body to know what it needs and if I listen to my inner guidance it will help me to keep that wellbeing always. I love that my body brings to my attention that I am in resistance to. I can change my thoughts by listening to my emotions. I can feel my way to my natural state of wellness.