What we miss that keeps us missing

The holidays are a struggle for everyone it seems.  The feelings of loss, the end of another year and do we see our progress?  No, we look at the injuries that we have had.  Why our brain is wired that way, I have no idea.  I have been struggling with these same issues for the past month.  I have no idea why my brain picks the worst times that I am going through to have me relive over and over.

I have my two Grandbabies here for Christmas, I am enjoying them so much and have said so.  I am also rekindling a friendship with my daughter and son in law.  I am so very grateful!  It is fantastic to have family here at this time of year.  Yet my mind reminds me of what I have lost and am loosing. WHY?  I feel guilty for feeling these things, but what if that is what we are supposed to feel?

I believe we are here for a reason, not to just breath and take up space in this world.  Life is for feeling everything.  It’s an injustice to think like we can not mourn what we are going through.  Why is it that I can not be happy and sad at the same time? It can be hard having all these emotions, one minute happy and grateful. Sad and depressed the next.  I am tired of being told I should only look for the positive!  If I am sorry, that doesn’t mean that I am ungrateful.

This year for the holidays my wish is for everyone to care, to watch what they say to others who are having a rough time this year.  It is time to make room for compassion.  There is no right or wrong way to live life, it is like I have said many times over and over.  Life is to be lived fully, messy even.  I am tired of people telling me how I need to feel and live.

That being said it is me that is the hardest for myself.  This year I want to be better to me.  I want to make sure that I let me know that it is okay to mourn the loss to miss those that are no here.  I love and am grateful for all things in my life the ups and the downs.  I miss those that I wish were here, I love those who are here with me right now.


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