I have been struggling with my health, my heart and my spirit here for about two weeks. I get so frustrated by this that I found myself going back into facebook searching and sharing for hours. I didn’t realize I was falling back into the same old routine of distractions. I am so tired of seeing all the horrors going on in our world and all my hurts coming to haunt me that I started to shut down and try and find a deep dark place where I could distract myself from the pains I am experiencing.
My spirit guides have a way of snapping me out of it when I come up for air. They send me some pretty harsh and yet very loving messages from different places. I am angry, tired, hurting and frustrated with my life, and then I get a youtube video explaining the very things I am feeling and the why I am feeling these things. Thank goodness they know who and what to send to help me out. BUT… you have to be willing to listen and step back for a moment. I have been dealing with these things for over two weeks. I sure wish I would stop taking so long to listen up!
I could get furious and down on myself for what has happened but, then I realize that is why I am here. To experience life as it comes and allows those hurts, confusions and limited thoughts to go. I am in so much pain from these feelings I have been trying to run from. When I feel overwhelmed and trapped it is my way of knowing that I am not facing some significant changes, I am not allowing myself to be ok with the pain of my disease, I am not suffering the heartbreak of missing my grandchild. I will go to any length to not feel the pain of all these things because it hurts so much. Yet if I would stop and allow the pain to be, I find I get better quicker. I am honestly my own worst enemy, and I was taught how to be this way. So I have to feel, forgive and forge on.
I am watching as the wind blows this morning, the earth is changing from summer and going into fall. The trees are turning colors as their leaves are readying to drop off. The trees are going into a time of sleep. The grasses are dry and brown it is that time for the plants and flowers to sleep as well. I love this time of year, yet it is that hard time for me as well. It is time to allow things to die and go to sleep.
I can feel the pressures of the holidays. I can feel the hate, the frustrations, the sadness of the world as the holidays come up. Why is it not okay to allow ourselves to stop the harassment of Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping and the bombardment of trying to cram happiness into things that do not make us happy. Why do we have to see a million commercials of Christmas stuff? Well, I don’t I just have to learn to turn off the TV!!
My perfect Christmas is going to the mountains towns and walking the stores, sitting by a fire with hot mushroom tea, watching Christmas shows, waking to snow on the trees and grass and enjoying the slowing of the days. Why must I feel anxiety and panic as I try to deal with all the un-joy of the season because it has become one great big consumer day of bullshit?!
I miss sitting with my granddaughter as we watch scary Disney shows. I miss not hurting with the changing of the season it wreaks havoc with my poor Lyme riddle body.
I have mass social media yelling at me to take this, eat this watch out for this do this exercise, don’t sit too long or you die, cancer is this, disease is not helped with this, life is happier with this food, this fruit cures this, this nut helps you lose weight, if you take this supplement you won’t get dementia.
If I try to help out by saying I know how to help with herbs I am asked, hunted and told I need to improve everyone. I am not here to do that, I am here to learn from me. I can’t heal anyone, I can only teach you how to improve yourself. I am not here to help anyone but me. I can not do this anymore I have got to for my sanity JUMP OFF THE TRAIN OF YOU NEED THIS!!
It NEVER STOPS!!! Or Does it?
How can we enjoy our lives when we hear and see all the destruction going on in our world. I had an article hit my news feed last night on facebook that said WI-fi causes the silver in your teeth to fill your body with toxic metals. I am like NO NO NO, why can we not put on our news feed the simple ways of helping us to detox (nourish) or to help us feel better not scare the living shit out of ourselves. I hate that post, and I love that. I will be going online and deleting all those horror articles that help no one and cause more harm. I feel much better just knowing why I have been feeling so down and depressed once more.
I am ready to stop running, I am tired of searching for one herbal cure and not taking the time to go outside and walk and enjoy the weather and the views. I am sad because I stopped writing my feelings and my thoughts. I was so much happier when I could be on my tablet and type about all that I see, feel, hear and do. I am off social media till… well I have no idea I am toying with the thought of deleting it. I want to keep my blog WWYHS and my teaching herbal cures facebook but my personal page I could say bye-bye to.
I am so tired today, I want to sit, eat whole organic foods, what my scary Halloween movies and stop thinking so much no more research on cancers, and other diseases. I need to allow for more feelings to come up, let go of those things I can not control, sit and watch as our world changes and people wake up from the limited, fear-based thoughts they have had going on for years. HEY, that’s what I need to do, sit back and be a spectator for a while. It’s ok to stop and watch.
I am going to go back into nature and let go of the social media for a while again. It is time to be more spiritual and less into the searching for distractions. I need to be with me and allow myself to feel and be free from the news feeds of doom. I need more time with my pups and those who want to go have fun. I am jumping from this train of having to be to the have to not’s!! I give you permission to do the same.
Quote from the Universe today: Thinking big but acting small, is the same as thinking small. And reading this while nodding in wholehearted agreement, yet not following your heart and doing all you can, with all you have, from where you are in the days that follow, is the same as not reading this.
Hope you can join me in sitting back and enjoying life,