You have a choice to chose how you live.

This week I have been working on the right to choice as I chose what it is I want.  It is very freeing to realize that you have an opportunity in all things in life.   I was under the impression that it was fate that dictated my life and not the choice of choosing what I want, that I have started to practice my right to chose.  Life is how we decided to make a living, how we accept it or how we will react to it.

I read an article the other day on the side effects of trying to be positive all the time.  How trying to be in a positive mood, see all things as a positive or seek only the positive can be very overwhelming as well as cause us more stress.   It is so much easier to allow the emotions we are feeling to come sit with us as we talk about the issues that have brought up these feelings.  I learned that there is no Bad or Good, all is for a reason. Life is about living with all those things in harmony.  Anger has a way of helping push us to do something we may hate or do not want to do, sadness helps us to stop and look deep inside ourselves.  I think that jealousy can help us as well, we find that once we get what someone else has, we find we may not have wanted it in the first place.

The choice is the right to chose to agree or not to agree, to feel life fully, to decided to change the way you see or feel at any given time or moment.  If we are genuinely open to choice as we live this life, we can acknowledge our wrongs and then right them, without feeling we have to be one way or the other.

This week as I am dealing with the death of my little Sasha I am reminded that we are not here for the long haul, we are here to enjoy and live fully in the now.  I have been saying that it is my choice to chose to be sad about the loss of my fur baby, there is no time limit on how long I have to miss her.

I am angry at my daughter for her dismissing me again, it is my choice to chose to be angry but not resentful.  I am disappointed in her, but I still love her.  It is my choice to love her and be ok with my anger and disappointment.  If I tried to be positive and look at it positively, I would be lying to myself.  Why should I lie to myself?  I see a lot of people lying to themselves, they lie about their jobs, their relationships, their lifestyle.  I have found when you live the life entirely you stop lying to yourself, you become real with you and then real with others.

This week we have had beautiful weather, and I have been sick the whole time.  I chose to be ok with it, allowing my body to do what it needs to to get well.  I think that when we fight those times of illness, we get resentful as well as frustrated with ourselves instead of being loving and understanding that the body, mind, and spirit get tired and need to stop and be quiet.  I have been sleeping more as I allow myself to heal from all that had to happen these past days. It is my choice to let myself to stop be quiet allowing my life to become balanced once more.

The positivity train that is going on out in our world has shown me that it can be more detrimental to the human body, mind, and spirit than most realize.  Of course, we all want to be happy and confident but this I fear can cause harm as well.  I found this out here recently, I tried the books, the videos, the Facebook communities of positive thinking.  It was hard work!  It was hard to be in a positive state of mind all the time.  I got downright mad at those who were not positive all the time, they were bringing negativity on to me, my positive energies were going down the drain, all my hard positive work was being washed away by their negative feelings.  I got so sorry that I started to fight about how confident I was and how sure they were not!!  How dare they not be positive like me, now their non-positive ways was erasing my positive energies I put out there in this world.  I became obsessed with being the positive one, NO ONE COULD BE AS POSITIVE AS ME!!  NO ONE YOU HEAR ME !!  breath in… breath out…

I was exhausted from being the queen of positivity. I didn’t know then what I know now,  there is no way anyone can be positive 100% of the day.  I was driving myself into an early grave, I was making myself sick, and I am sure everyone else. Life is not about getting to a perfect spot of positive thinking and then holding up there until the day you die.  I have found out that I am not meant to have an ideal life. I am expected to have a love hard, living for the moment, accepting my flaws,  experience every known emotion kind of life!

I am happier, freer and at peace living this way, I have the choice to chose how I will live it at every minute.  I am fully living an emotional filled life! Some days it is beyond my minds emotional acceptance, so then this allows my heart to take over.  When I am confused, I do what my heart says and ignore my ego.  I learned from the death that we are free to live balanced as well as full.

Today I am living as I feel I was meant to live.  I may not have all that I dreamed I was told to have, but I do have all that my heart ever wanted.  I wanted to be free to love who I wish to, to be happy with who I am, to be open to feel safe and to be at peace with where I am right at this moment.  Tomorrow will take care of its self, yesterday is a memory and today is all that matters.  That to me is awesomely positive.  smile


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