I will miss you the old you, Not!

I’m sad today or I was.  I was really happy but as I got to talking to my husband I became really sad. He has a real issue with finding happiness within.  He is always looking outside of himself for the peace and happiness he wants.  Everything that he doesn’t agree with makes him sad, depressed or angry.    I am so tired of preaching to him about how we have a choice to chose that which we allow or how we react to things in our life.  WE, have the choice to be either happy or not no matter where or what is going on in our life.  I can’t take the negativity anymore.  As I am awakening I can not handle the things I once did.  I can not handle the whining, complaining, the constant same old story being played over and over again.  I can not keep saying that they are right because of course then they want to fight you so they can be right, even though you told it they were freaking right, over and over the same situation they see every single day same fight just a different day. I could say yes it’s green and then be told it is blue-green, agree with that and then it is back to green again.  UGHH  It’s too much and I start to get physically sick and depressed.  I lose my energies and then I feel like hiding from the world.

I could say yes it’s green and then be told it is blue-green, agree with that and then it is back to green again.  UGHH  It’s too much and I start to get physically sick and depressed.  I lose my energies and then I feel like hiding from the world.

I can’t take the negativity anymore.  As I am awakening I can not handle the things I once did.  I can not handle the whining, complaining, the constant same old story being played over and over again.  I can not keep saying to the same person that of course wants to fight to stay in the same situation they live every single day the same freaking way!  It’s too much and I start to get physically sick and depressed.  I lose my energies and then I feel like hiding from the world.

It is not ok to allow others to drag you down into their pity party or just having a bad day because the other drivers on the road are assholes. smile  It’s okay for them to feel the way they do, but after a while, you need to allow them to go and find their own way, to deal with their own issues.  I can not be a constant sparring buddy so they can feel justified in not growing and allowing life to be whatever it may be.   I know you have had this happen, you know those people who piss and moan about this or that for the 12th hundred time.  You being in a great mood and loving the world have no clue anymore why they would feel like they do.  You have grown from that pissing and judging this emotional world, you allow others to do as they want.  Yet this person is one of those who wants everyone to do what they think is right.  They put their judgments their limited beliefs on others instead of minding their own life.

When you share your belief where you’re like, be happy let it go, they look at you as though you killed they’re first born, then you become the evil enemy and they go after you like a starving dog. Not only are you wrong for not agreeing with them but how dare you be in great spirits.  How could you change and not be there for them?? I can’t go back and unlearn the truth, nor do I want to.  It’s their choice to chose to be the way they are.  Only they can find their happiness within, but they don’t want to.  So what are you to do?

If you don’t allow them to go on and be who they need to be, you keep them from growing.  You keep yourself from growing too.  Then you start to resent one another, then you fall back into finding distractions, working more anything to keep from having to face them and before you know it another year passes and you are stuck not growing or enjoying this world and they are still being the same person you met 15 years ago, but now they hate you and you feel the same way about them.  When those that you love are not wanting to awaken as you are, you have no choice but to walk away and allow them the freedom to be who they need to be.  I have the right as well to be who I want to be.

So I walked away this morning, sad, for I knew that no matter how much I want him to find the peace and happiness I am finding.  He just isn’t ready to let go of his past limited thoughts yet…

I think it is sad that we are not taught how it is ok to get lost in this world.  I have been lost before, it’s when you have no idea what you want or where you want to go.  It was the best time even though I had no idea at the time. I feel it made me a better person. I have seen this happen for my kids as well.  I have come back from that lost place stronger and happier and so have my kids.  It’s ok to get lost and not know what to do and just live each day the best you can.  I needed to share this as it has helped me to be ok with what is happening right now.  I can be happy, sad and lost.

A side note here, Of course, I didn’t get married twice thinking that in 15 or more years I would find that I would outgrow these people, we only know that we loved and were loved.  I do not want to try and change anyone, but as we grow I find that we try because our mind has a story about us that it doesn’t want to let go.  That would be the death of us.  Of course, our mind feels it needs to save or life all the time.  To allow us to grow we need to allow for that death of our old self.   I think these different things in life are there to help us learn how to be the best we can be and help us live fully.

I know that the most loving act I can do is allow others to be who they want to be.  I don’t need to change them, nor run their life, watch out so they don’t mess up, or make sure they are happy.  No companionship is about being with someone you are on the same level with, not being identical but having the same love and peaceful way of looking at life.   No, I can not be in a damaging relationship of negativity, fights, frustrations, trying to keep peace and running from that person out of fear.  I can not be a yes woman or lie to someone to make them feel better, I need to love them and allow them to love and fight their past hurts, limited thought and beliefs, as they need to or stay where they are, even though the universe is telling them they need to grow and move.

I was just saying this too, we have choices in which way we want to move when we have a decision, that is when we are at a crossroad.  Either road is not wrong, it is just what do you want to learn.  Some people stay on the course they feel is safe, some walk off the cliff, there is no wrong way.  It is your choice what you want to learn and experience.

The universe will kick your ass if you don’t move into that which you are meant to.  It’s like being an apple tree and only producing one apple, the apple tree doesn’t just stay on that one apple it produces many yummy apples.  The apple tree doesn’t get jealous of the pear tree or the almond tree, it is happy with making its own apples.  Life is being happy making your own happiness, as you allow others to make their own …hopefully, happiness.

I hope you are having a happy day making happiness.

WWYHS

 

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