“Granny you keep this safe for me”, I can still hear her little voice as she had only just said those words a couple of hours ago. I have her little golden ring she handed me, asking me if I will put it with her other treasures to be kept safe and sound. She knows it will be here for her. Listening to those words echo through my mind I find myself melancholy for those times when I had a safe place to put my treasures. I know as I continue healing my past hurt and limited thoughts, that I have that secret place, for my treasures, my treasures are different now, but that secret place you can find it deep in my heart. Voices from the past come along like a cool wind in the heat of summer. I am grateful and yet my heart longs for something, I have no idea what it is though.
I had the best time as I watched my granddaughter play in the splash park by my home, she was in her own imagination having the time of her life. I could remember those times when I was little, making wonderful worlds and playing for hours with no worries. I am not lonely I just miss those simpler times when all you had to worry about was having fun and enjoy life.
I am finding that space in me once again, I find that I am fighting to keep it as well. I read my note from the universe today. I love what it said: Be Still. Stop thinking. Feel. Visualize. Take Action. Repeat. Yours, The Universe.
I did those things today, I sat there and was still, I heard my granddaughter laugh and squeal as she slid down the slide. The birds singing the distant thunder my heart. I sat there and just was not thinking not wanting to break the magic of the play time. I stopped thinking about the stuff that happened today, the snarkiness, the house cleaning the worry of everything. I just felt all that was around me. I felt the warmth of the sun the sponginess of the grass, me being calm and happy. I visualized that this would be a repeat of things to come. I was ok with all that will come. I saw myself happy and with my family.
Take action: Humm I don’t know what I need to take action on. I am here in the moment, the present and enjoy this very much. Maybe there will be some action I will need to take down the road. I will cross that bridge when I get there. Repeat! I think I will thank you!
Repeat… I think I will thank you!
This day is special it is the here and the now. I am so happy to have this time to see what, where and how. I am growing, learning more than I had ever thought possible. I am driving again after not being able to for more than 7 years. I am able to get out around people and talk to them and not panic. I am more confident than I once was, yet there is a gentle and more calming part to me.
This week I have had some really tuff times with allowing my emotions to be as I sit with each one. It’s hard some days, I find that I want so badly to find a distraction from them. It was easier to avoid them but my physical health was not able to handle shoving my emotions down anymore. It takes work to heal those things from the past as well as relearning to let a lot of things go that I once thought were important.
I am still working on healing my body, mind, and spirit. I have found I am having really good days more than the hard days. Tonight I am so tired, I haven’t been sleeping well, so I am hoping I get some sleep tonight. I am trying something different with my herbs as I have found out there is always a need to change as your body starts to get back to being more of the norm that was you. I have cut everything out but Ceylon Cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, green tea and CBD oil. I feel it is helping me so I will be sticking to this regimen for a little while.
So this is probably the most boring writing I have written to date. I will let it go and love it. I am off to bed.