Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had yet in my self-discovery. I had found that I was falling into a very deep depression after having the very things I have prayed and dreamed of coming true for me. Why is that? I wasn’t disappointed in what I had happening, I was in a fear-based hell that I couldn’t seem to get myself out of. I felt trapped, couldn’t breathe, depressed, oppressed, trapped and all the healing I had gone through seem to be recurring. It isn’t necessary to tell you what it was about just that it was a shock that I was having such a reaction to the very thing I thought made my life complete.
It isn’t necessary to tell you what it was about just that it was a shock that I was having such a reaction to the very thing I thought made my life complete.
I hadn’t slept the night before so I decided it was time to make a trip to the mountains. I have found many an answer in those beautiful hills, I have gone to those mountains since I was able to get my own car and drive. I find solace in those pines and aspen trees. The scent of sun-heated pine, the cool crisp sound of those sparkling green aspen leaves, all have a way of calming the spirit and healing the mind and body. What really surprised me is that I needed to make a very heavy decision, a choice of things I had to let go of. To the mind, they were like grand canyon decisions, I cried and thought of all that I was to lose, yet my heart was able to reach out and show me that the only thing I was going to lose was those thoughts that were tormenting me.
I found that those heavy drama thoughts I was obsessing over were only my imagination and the need for the mind to cause me undue havoc for whatever reason it felt it needed to. When I made a heart decision my head couldn’t control the outcome and went silent. Get this the thing that you thought you would lose was not a loss at all, I had my mind just change the outcome to not a problem, to allow yourself to let go of a problem in the head is just as helpful as saying it out loud to those around you. I had to allow my heart to show me the end result by going through the emotions of that very fear of letting go. I found out that this decision was about how any idea I had would be ok deep inside of me, but it helped me to put things in a way that was both beneficial for me and of course, then it would be beneficial for those I thought I was having an issue with.
There was no past limited thought or hurt to have to heal, it was a real-time right this moment thought that was misconstrued as a problem, when in fact it was just a right this moment decision that the mind made monumentally awkward.
I think I talk too much at times, I found out that it is alright to go deep into my own thoughts and emotion, having and feel them completely. When we allow ourselves to go into the mind and heart the heart can override the mind and bring us out to the other side safe and happy. It is when we get to share outside of the self we get into trouble! I found that I was safe alone in my thoughts when I allowed my emotional side which is the heart, to referee my thoughts.
Letting go of someone, something, or whatever it might be, is causing you stress, doesn’t mean that you have to let them go in real time, it is ok to let go of them in the mind and heart, in your own quiet spot. When you go through this thought mannerism you will come out on the other side knowing what you need to do.
I found myself safely on the other side having let go of a problem that wasn’t really a problem in the first place, I can have both things in my life. I let go of the thought that I couldn’t without drama and pain. When I faced my demon thoughts I won silently a victory that I will never ever forget.
Go into the dark and win your battle, you have a warriors heart that will not allow you to lose!
I wish you luck warrior!