ON the other side of recovery…

Medications do not help heal a broken heart of soul.

I woke to an amazing site today.  The rain from last night has made my view of the mountain’s clear, sparkling and breath taking.  My bedroom window faces the wet mountains as they are known and the Spanish Peaks.  What a way to wake up!


Last night was amazing and the feeling still lingers as I type this blog this morning.  I want to explain something here though.  I know that we love to have those wonderful upbeat feelings but there is a back ground story always happening.  When I got ready for bed last night and was all snuggled in and ready for sleep.  My mind went off on all the horrors that could happen in the dark.  I have six rescue dogs, there is no way anyone can touch a door knob in this house and them not all going off like a four alarm siren.  My mind would have me imagining someone standing in my bedroom door way and it would cause me some anxiety.

My mind goes on to bring up a break in and what I would have to do to survive.  It’s what we see all the time when we watch TV shows or movies that have this kind of situations.  I know that I am safe, but there was a time where I lived in a very shitty neighborhood and there were people who messed around my home.  I was newly recovering from being hit by a pickup truck and just had a newborn baby.  My fear was real at that time but now it is not needed.  I told my mind thank you so much for bringing this up and that we are much safer today.  I am surrounded by very loving pets, and my home is in a safe place.

I am treating my mind like a child.  Our minds want to protect us it is instinctive but if left to its own devises it can run amok and cause us undue issues.  That’s why it is so important that you turn off the distractions and listen to what you are thinking.  I found out that there was a lot of old past history circulating that I had no idea was causing me a lot of harm.  It’s the best thing in the world to get quiet and listen to what your thinking.

As I watch the sunshine hit the top of the mountain I think back to what I have been discovering.  It’s like I opened a flood gate to all my creativity, energies, and wellness.  I had no idea that my mind was causing me such problems that were keeping me from truly enjoying my life.  It is amazing what is happening in my life right now.  NO huge things in the way of materialism but huge changes in the joys in my life, calm and peaceful times.  I don’t get to keep the materials of this world, but I do get to keep every precious moment that I have lived.  My kids and I buy memories, we don’t buy stuff we buy moments to share that we all get to keep forever.  I will make it a point to do much much more of those with my kids and grand kids.

I am truly thankful for the pain I had to go through to get to where I am.  I have walked this house moaning like a ghost who has lost the love of her life, I have sat here in tears of happiness, my emotions some days raw from all that I have been through.  Yet I wouldn’t change one moment.  In fact, I look forward to more of those moments.  It sounds scary and it is, but it will not kill you, and what you get on the other side of it is more than you could have ever imagined.  Fear keeps us from all that we dream of.  I’m glad I am taking the steps to allow myself to heal and be free.


I wanted to share some of the signs that showed up as I started healing my past limited fear based thinking.

  1. Depression, I felt really sad, lonely, had dark moods, moody, upset for no reason.
  2.  Tears in my eyes no matter what I was doing, I cried at everything.
  3. Tired, extremely tired all the time.  I felt heavy, dizzy awkward.
  4. A pain I felt pain at weird times, not like I am used to with my Lyme.
  5. Fear, anxiety, panic attacks. I have PTSD… these were different.
  6. Boredom, when meditating, a need to turn on TV or check Facebook over and over.
  7. Anger, I was angry and had to watch that I didn’t start fights for no reason.
  8. Eating when not hungry, eating things that made me feel bad.  Bad food choices.
  9. Not taking care of me, I would go without things I needed.

I can tell you that I was not happy that meditation seemed to make me feel worse before I got to the other side of it.  Yet once you make it over that hump, it felt awesome.  I was so proud of myself.

Here is where I got messed up when going through these symptoms, I would go to the doctor with my complaints. BIG BIG NO NO!!!  It would end up where I was prescribed a medication.

I would then teach my mind that I needed to medicate my problems.  I learned this as I child as well.  When ever we had a sniffle, cold or hurt we were taken to a doctor.  We are given vaccinations that are supposed to help keep us well.

All this is, is another distraction from finding the real reason you are having all these symptoms.

I hurt, it’s good that I hurt, it’s the way my body communicates that there is something wrong.  The hurt could be a past issue not resolved, then manifesting into a pain.  Our guts usually take the brunt of this, once the guts are compromised then the rest of our digestive system follows.  As the digestive system gets sicker than the 12 body systems* start to fall like dominoes, it doesn’t help that you may have an illness hiding that is just waiting for your immunity to get messed up.

That’s why it is so important that you be close to your inner you.  You need to know what is happening to you by way of Mind, Body, and Spirit.  If you are lacking in just one of these you cause a healing issue.  I was guilty of this for years, then put the adds on TV for all the different medications, I would start to manifest those signs as well.  I would then go to my doctor and ask for that prescription. Have you ever seen a cereal commercial and then all of a sudden you have a craving for that cereal?  I don’t like cereal yet I wanted that one brand afters seeing it marketed 7 days a week.   Not only was I hiding from the real issues, I was causing myself a whole lot more in side effects.  This road finally ended when I became so toxic that my body started to shut down.  My liver was failing, my gallbladder was becoming toxic and I could not digest my food.

It’s taken me 9 years from that point to get my immunity build up enough that it can start to heal me.  I am meditating to help my mind and spirit.  I exercise when I can, I eat only whole organic foods, I only use herbs for boosting and healing.  I am not at a 100 percent yet but I am so much better than I was even 6 months ago.  I see that my body is recovering faster and faster.  Now that I am working on healing past, limited, fear based thoughts, I can really see the difference.

You can do this, it is attainable.  I am walking, living proof.




*Resources on the 12 Body system: https://quizlet.com/13176589/12-body-systems-their-parts-and-their-function-flash-cards/

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