Wow, what a day, nothing super exciting happened in the way one might see it. Yet this day markets the beginning of the best day yet for me. I am so happy and excited and guess what, I even told my sister tonight that I wish I had messed up more in life. Yeah, you read that right. I wish I had lived a messier life than I had. Life is fantastically messy and yucky and dark and just AMAZING!! When you finally get it those of us who have, you know what I mean. If those words look like I have gone insane, it just means you haven’t reached that part of your journey to be grateful for all the downs in life you had.
Today was a big struggle with my mind about my weight, as well as the false story I had created many moons ago. I had the story that I needed to eat every time I felt weak or off because it may be my sugar was too low. In fact, I believe you can teach the brain to make you feel many different ways and then it becomes a habit. I had for years been under the assumption that I needed to eat or I would go into a catatonic state. I would feel dizzy, have panic attacks and feel like I was going to pass out. Today I ate really well, there was no reason for me to be having a fit of low sugar, plus I had checked my sugar before when I felt one of these fits coming on. My sugar would always be really good. I am gaining weight and I have been blaming it on thyroid and hormones. Yet today I had an epiphany. What if I am the one who is making this happen?
Now, these past two months I have been digging deep into my past limited fear based thoughts, what if my hypoglycemia is from panic attacks that I have been suffering with since I was a little girl and throughout my teenage years? When I looked back I saw that most of those attacks were when I was stressed out. I tried this tactic today. I told my mind thank you for bringing this up, I love you and we are ok.
The feeling went away!
My sister had me laughing so hard tonight, I told her I was trying to cut down the “eating”, that I had found out that I may be the one causing my false hypoglycemia. She said so instead of Hypoglycemia you have hippo- glycemia. lol
It feels so good not to judge myself and to allow myself to be happy in all aspects of my life. I am so happy today, I have put one ghost of the past away every day since following my 100-day challenge. I find that if I start to have a dark thought I love it, I am so happy to see it come up. I know it is a healing, that I can allow it to be with me and not fear it.
I’ve decided to change my diet as well, I am going on a vegetarian diet with some meats but more vegetables. I am going to go “Flexitarian”. I love that you can do what ever you want when you awaken to who you truly are. I am me, I love me and it is so nice that I have found me.
I am finding that out every day I don’t have to live by anyone’s rules or thoughts, I don’t have to make them happy or better, I can love them for them. I can do and be who I want to be. I love that I cuss like a sailor some days and others I don’t. I am honest to a fault but only when it has to do with me. I don’t care what others are doing that someone might not think is right. I am not nor would I want to be a judge. I love that I am a minister who teaches myself and shares my results. I am beautiful, strong, healthy and loved. I will always be loved no matter what I do.
When I was having my troubled times all I wanted was to be loved, comforted, accepted and cherished for being me. I say break that chain of abuse that we were taught. It’s ok to not pass on that trait. In fact, if you give your child, friend or loved one that compassion you craved and needed, you heal yourself. You have to do the work though. YOU have to STOP the distractions, get still, be quiet and listen to that pain that is needing you to allow it to come to the surface.
I can love from afar those who are hurting, I can send them prayers. I can accept that the anger I feel at something or see is a reflection of something deep inside me that needs love and comfort. I can change the world by loving who I am. I don’t have to stay in a relationship I am not happy in, or a job that I hate, or all the many excuses out there that are keeping you in what ever it is that is making you unhappy. I can look for a new job, allow a relationship to go, stop making excuses for not being happy with life. I can be in the now, the present and flow with it no matter where it goes.
I have seen so much change in me, and those who are around me are changing too. I see the change in them or is it I see the change in me through their eyes? wow what a revelation right there. I’m in awe at the changes I am seeing in me. I am here crying and thankful for how large my heart has become. I can feel it all over, in my mind, my body and spirit!! It’s the most amazing feeling in my whole life. I feel so full of everything. God, Buddha, Gundi, Universe, the big guy upstairs, whom ever you connect with, has healed things I never thought would heal.
As I write this I am being healed even more and the feeling becomes bigger and bigger, I can’t put into words what is happening. There isn’t a bigger word for LOVING, LIVING, BEING! I am so thankful for all the spirits that are around me that helped me see how very special I am. They kept me trying, they helped me to find that deep inner me. I will always be so very grateful for the love that helped me get where I am. I thank the spirits for sending me the messages I needed through others. I feel like this is just the beginning my mind just can’t comprehend that, this is just the start. WOW!!!
My wish for you as you read this is that you find that Love that comes only from a place that can be touched when you give in and allow the universe to touch your very core.