Child-like attitude

I took the day off today, it’s been a very busy week.  I have not only had some very creative thoughts come up but my healing journey has been a bit bumpy.  I get too impatient when it comes to my healing.  I want to be well yesterday, yet there is a reason that I am on this journey of the unhealthy.  Smile

I am able to do much more than I could a year ago even more than five years ago, yet the ego tells me that I am taking too long in my recovery.  Where is it written that we only have so long to heal or for that matter do anything in this life time? I was reading where Kyle Cease said from his book { I hope I screw this up} that the mind/ego has us fearing all the time, our ego is in fear of dying, our fears of doing anything in life are influenced by the thought that we will die one day.   My journey to the other side of anything is getting over the fear of death.  I am seeing as I let this limited thought go that life is so much more precious.  The fear that was death is slowly slipping away, I continue to see more coming into my life.  Death is not the end of anything, not even the body, the body becomes’s something more.  I am more than just body, mind or spirit.  I am part of everyone as well as everything, once you remove the identity we all become the same, yet we have that little sparkle that makes us stand out.

If I lived up in the mountains where time did not touch me, I wouldn’t give one care about time. I would go from day-to-day, enjoy the small victories and the small progress each and every day.  I would not worry about the limited beliefs that were taught to me., there would be no such thoughts,  I would only know that I am here in the now.  I am among it all, there is no set time, that we would have set for ourselves.  If I stay in a relationship it is because I want it not because of money, kids, or a house, I want the relationship for the friendship, love, someone to enjoy and grow with.  I have the power to create either.

Why is it then that when we are in the rat race of humanity that we decide to put false beliefs on ourselves.  If we do not accomplish what society dictates we must, then we feel like we are lacking.  What are you lacking if you do not get the yard mowed or the house cleaned? I thought that I wanted an online business that helps people learn about herbs, yet when I asked myself why I want this, I had no real passion come up nothing, it was like I was doing this to make me feel important, I don’t want to work at this if it isn’t going to help people learn that they have the power to heal. I will leave my website up on Facebook but I will not be pushing to market it right now.  It is not the right time I feel.

Here is something crazy I found out on my mountain adventure the other day.  I was able to climb a mountain and not be out of breath, but I cleaned the house yesterday and I was breathing like I had just climbed a mountain.  CRAZY HUH!??? I was above 12,000 feet and was able to climb and take pictures of beautiful mountain flowers.  I think that our bodies, mind, and spirit show us what is truly important.  Cleaning the house isn’t one of them for me I found out.  So where is my passion and what is it I want to do?


The other day I had an elderly man come up to my door, he was looking for the man who lived in the house.  I felt bad as I told him his friend had passed away.  That I had purchased the house about 8 months ago.  The look on his face was of surprise and then regret. I have been preaching about how we should stay in touch with our friends and loved ones.

I have found that this is not really a truth to me anymore.  I feel that when we are more in the spirit and heart and away from the ego, we tend to know what is going on with our friends and family members.  This only seems to work on very close friends/family I have found.  Those who were only meant to be in our lives for a short time don’t stay around that long.  We think of them but there is no real connection, just maybe a fond memory.  I have found this happened with family as well.

The ego would like to tell you that this is not true and that you’re not a very good friend or close in family ties if you are not in contact every day…. but really when one looks back, you know how you call someone you haven’t heard from in a long while and it’s like no time has passed between you?  That’s the kind of connection I am talking about when the heart and spirit are in tune.  I am not in any way saying you shouldn’t keep in touch, just that you can give yourselves a pass on the guilt trip if you are not in touch every second of the day.

I am realizing that as I let go of the past I am ready to get rid of the dust collectors in my home as well, life becomes more simplified, the want for things starts to disappear and you find that you want to live happier and healthier. Today I found the strength to let go of the fight that is always flowing through this relationship I have with my husband.  I do not care about she said and he said this shit.  In fact, I could care less if I am right or wrong, but I will not accept that I have to be told that I have screwed up ten times a day.  Unless it could cause a death I don’t want to hear it. I give not a shit!!  laughing out loud.


I am watching Kyle Cease talking about the birth of his new daughter, to see his raw emotions is so refreshing.  He is finding that he doesn’t know it all yet, but that just to live and allow life to be.  I have been finding this out as well.  I am leaving behind the adult me as I rediscover the innocence of love that is me.  Have you ever looked up the definition of innocence…

an innocent person, in particular.
  • a pure, guileless, or naive person.
    plural noun: innocents

What is wrong with naive or pure?  Why is it that we have to force people to be a certain way, or label them as such? There is no reasoning.  We can go back to being in a state of pure awe of the world or ourselves.  

To be child like to enter into the spirit world, there is a verse in the bible that reads:

Mathew 18:3-5
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him and placed the child among them.
3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
To me to be child like is to believe in that magic of how much bigger we are, those thoughts we came up as we imagined as children, of how to fly, angels, fairies, dragons and little mystical people, even those UFO’s out there.  When we become so cynical we lost that innocence.  The ego fills that place of mystery with fear of death, limitations,  even the death of our inner child.  When I was young I had the best imagination.  I loved to pretend I was able to do magic, to fly without anything helping me.  I would look down and see myself rise up and over the power lines.  My bike had a motor on it in my mind and could do top speeds of what our family car could do.  My favorite thing to do when on a long trip was imagined I was riding a horse through the country side.  I would lose hours as I watch myself ride my black beauty over the hills taking death-defying leaps across deep ravines.
I love to watch the Disney channel, in fact, I love going to Disneyland.  One of my favorite things to see are all the characters that come out of nowhere and all the little kids that come from all directions to see them.  I love that!!   I love to smile at kids in-car windows or play peek-ah-boo when stopped at a stop light.  The cynical parents have a testy attitude but I could care less.   They need to get their heads out of their asses! Why have a child and then become an asshole?  My mom and Dad were tough on us and I don’t have very many happy memories of them.
Ohhh but I had fun with my kids.  On long trips, I would whistle a song that we all knew and before long they would be back there in their car seats singing or humming the song.  I would smile so big as I drove down the road listening to my little people sing.
It still hurts plenty that my daughter doesn’t remember those times of love and fun. She listens to a person who was more worry about his job, mountain dew, and cigarettes.  He watches tv most of the time while I was raising them.  You can not make someone see those things if they do not want to see them.
I was saddened that he allowed so much time to go by and didn’t enjoy the love he had surrounding him.
I see that with my husband now.  Work and doing odd jobs is more important than making memories together for the other side.  We don’t get to take the stuff in and around us to the spirit world, all we get are those fleeting moments here on this earth journey.

How can a woman forget what their mom went through to be there for them, especially when they have a child of their own?  I have no idea where my daughter’s heart is.  It’s hard to believe that a child would do what she is doing to a mom.  I don’t have a great relationship with my mom, I love her but there was nothing close to her and me,  but I made sure I had a close relationship with my daughter.  She lost sight of that, her ego took over and she started to believe in a lie that it made up, she needed to be right so badly that she threw me away and took my granddaughter away,  and now she is losing a mom that would have done anything for her,  that she will never be able to replace or get back.  My heart mourns for her, I can not make her see what she is doing.  I can only pray, as I keep my hopes up.

Life is amazing and hard but both are to be celebrated as equally important, even if the ego has been taught that there is a bad and a good that you want only the good.  It is wrong what we have been taught this.  Life is the all, it is the good with the bad that are both just there.  There is no wrong or right way to handle them both, you weep for the sad, laugh with the good. It is good to be able to fully feel them both, no more working to hide from one and search for the other.  I can be with both and just be me….

Kyle Cease said it so well and I quote ” When we become a space bigger than our addictive habits and move toward even the smallest idea that excites us, new results that we never could have anticipated start to show up everywhere.”

Big bear hugs,


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