I have two gas fire places in my home, each one has a stove-pipe piped outside. Each morning a ring-necked dove taps on the pipe and then starts to sing. I think he loves the echo sound he gets from the pipe. I love how the song he sings rings down into my living room.
When I turned off the TV and distractions I found out that I get to hear him sing. I forgot there for a while because I got to where as soon as I got out of bed I would turn on the TV. I made the excuse that I needed the sound to help drown out the ringing I had in my ears. I needed the distraction so I didn’t have to look too deeply as to what I was hiding from.
I had this awful ringing in my ears all the time, I did have a hard time with the ringing. One day it must have gone away, but I was so used to turning on the tv that I hadn’t noticed that is was gone, thank goodness I started to meditate. I had turned off the distractions in my life, and I could hear the dove but no more ringing. I wouldn’t have discovered that if I hadn’t turned off those things.
How much do we have passing us by that we don’t see or hear because we are too busy being distracted?
Today I sat for one hour and just allowed my mind to wander. I had so much chatter going on, I let it be but I started to think that maybe I wasn’t going to get anything from my meditation, and I was ok with that. Then about thirty-five minutes into my hour, I began to feel frustrated and angry, all these fears came bubbling up to me. I started to feel a lot of disappointed in my self when I asked why I was disappointed the answer that I got was I was too afraid to live the life I have always wanted.
The disappointments were that I was hiding from that which I really wanted to do, but felt like it wasn’t important to others, so it wasn’t important to me. I would not be living up to their expectations or mine for that matter. I refused to go to a job I hated and pretend that I was proud of myself for sticking to it. I may have made myself sick so I didn’t have to. There were times I would be happy and could do anything without feeling sick, then there were times when I would allow the point of view from others to make me feel like I was beneath them for not doing as they did. I would then become sick and depressed.
My dream is to write books and take pictures to publish in those books. I know there are a lot of people who have that dream as well. That is one of the fears and limited thinking that came up to me today, that there are many others who can write and take pictures, but they are not me! and I loved that. I had to allow that fear to come up and face it today. I am not them and they are not me. We all have something to share and give to this world in our own way. My style of writing is my style and they have their own.
I got rid of the word (want) and went with the words (I would). I forgave me for not allowing myself the freedom to live out my passion in life. I am letting go of the old teaching that I am not good enough to write or take pictures. I am not here to prove to anyone anything. I love that! I am not here to be like everyone else or live by what they feel is right or wrong. I love that! I kept on saying after every fear, limited thinking and hurt that I love that!
I realized that as I have a great imagination and have done just that imagined many things in my life, I am not allowing them to come into my life and manifest the life I would like to discover and live, for fear it was not important enough, or hard enough. It is sad that I thought that the only thing worth having in my life had to be hard and full of hardships! My mom would say over and over, you always have to do things the hard way. There is no glory if your path is not made up of hardships, and tribulations!?? If it isn’t causing you stress then you have to really work at it, and if it’s too easy, then it is not worthy of respect by others. and I love that! How truly insane is it that I was taught this and I accepted it for so many years as the truth! I love that! I have had a coming to Jesus moment as they say and figuring out how insane that kind of thought is! AND I love that!!
I loved the thoughts, of not allowing myself to do as I wanted and had dreamed of being since I was little. I loved the fear I placed on all my dreams and how I kept myself from doing those very things I would like to do. I loved that I was allowing fear to control my wants and desires.
I was amazed as the tears fell and I mourned my loose of limited thinking! I felt as light as a feather, I felt so tired and sleepy as well. I got lost in the feeling of relief to, letting it take over and loving the feeling of freedom I was experiencing. I felt like I lost forty-five years of pain in one hour! That is what you lose when you meditate!
I have no idea how I will do what I would like to do, and I love that, yet I feel like I opened a flood gate for opportunities to start to show up! I am looking forward to seeing what happens next.
I’ll keep you up to date!
Until then meditate!