Today started off pretty rough. No sleep for four days and then to wake to a mess. I had enough to last me until tomorrow. Why tomorrow, because not one of us is promised a tomorrow so you better live today.
I was upset about things going on that were of my own doing, but I had enough and was wondering how can I not repeat this venture in the future. I had three I’s to deal with this morning and then, of course, my husband reacted, which shouldn’t have mattered but it did at the time. I walked away and went to my desk that faces an amazing hundred-year-old cedar. I love this magnificent tree, there is a spirit in it and I always have to go by and touch it. It has a way of extending its branches out and his fragrant needles comb through my hair when I walk by. I usually whisper as I untangle my hair from his fingers that he smells so good.
I am one with nature, I am no different, only in the ability that I can get up and move my location. I watch as the spider’s webs danced on the ground around my cedars knotted trunk, that has many twists and turns in it from where he was broken. I saw different birds pick at insects and hop around happily under his strong branches. Not one bird messed with the white butterfly that danced from one lavender flower to another on my Russian sage bush.
I had three of me to work on this morning. I had the past me that wanted to keep bringing up what had happened. Then I had the future me that was pissed off about how this would affect me down the road today. The present me was like SHUT UP!!
I don’t want to look at the past in a negative way I want to celebrate that I got through it and now it is over with and we can let it be! I turned to the future me and told them that I do not want to hear about what may or may not happen. I am here in this moment and I am going to stay in this moment. I instantly took a huge breath in and slowly let it out. It felt so good I did it again. I don’t want to live in the past, and I sure a heck don’t want to bring into my life more drama in the future. So I sat there and I watch the beauty unfold in front of me just breathing and letting what was being.
I would say about fifteen minutes went by and my answer about how to handle the situation came to me. I went in and let my husband know that I was sorry for reacting to his reaction and that we would be letting it be and just be in the present now and take care of what ever came up at that moment. NO more looking into the future! The day was so nice, so much got accomplished I had dinner with one of my boys and now I am sitting here writing it all down. I again am shown that meditation does bring you to your center. When I got to my present state and was looking with my heart I got an answer very quickly.
Twice I find myself having another ahh haa moment:
I had another waking moment later on in the day when I watched Kyle’s newest video, it hit a very deep-seated fear I have been allowing to come forward.
I have a fear of dying. I know it stems from the mistreatment I received at the hands of a very ugly uncaring doctor. I know that in this country we don’t celebrate the spirit returning from where it came from. I know in my heart about the loveliness of this wonderful place but the limited mind can not accept what my heart knows deep down as truth.
I had lost my sister about 4 years ago and I feel like her death helped me in some ways and yet I still seem to find I am lost knowing she is not here on this earth plane with me.
I have not been one for a lot of materialism but sure I like to get little things here and there. I am not a collector of anything because I have been taught that everything we have will burn, or not go with us when we die.
I learned from Blair Robertson about how our loved ones are always around and we can get messages from them. I feel my sister very strongly at the time. I love how Blair teaches that LOVE NEVER DIES! I am getting better about my fear of death, I am working on the death grip I seem to have on my dogs and loved ones. I was becoming very over barring about them doing anything that could cause them harm. I am learning to let that go and know in my heart we all will be together for always.
My mind has a way of terrorizing me with thoughts of horrible ways to die. I am catching these thoughts more and more and letting them go. I am also allowing myself to realize that we are not here for forever, instead I look at my life as I am here to learn, enjoy and have the best journey of a lifetime. Get it a lifetime?
Love never dies so no we don’t really die either we just change into something different. I believe energy is infinite and we all meet up at the end and look back at all we learned in this lifetime. Today I learned to stay in the present and allowed the past and the future to just be. I can do and be anything I want today. There are no limitations to what I can do and achieve! Meditation has set me free and the sky is not even a limit for me anymore.