Yesterday Kyle put out a video, on why things keep happening over and over.  Why do these things keep happening to me, was the name of it.

I am dealing with this very thing that started off at the beginning this week.  I have a way of getting or I volunteer to do something and wonder why I do that to myself. I love dogs I truly do.  I have 6 of them.  They are all rescues and they are all very special to me.  Here comes the BUT… I have had my sons dogs starting Sunday.  I love Dogs… but there is a thing as too many.  The pups are not bad, one is just a pup so he is kind of on the wild side.  I’m set in my ways about how I like to be able to sleep at night without a dog jumping in the middle of me for absolutely no reason and out of the blue.  The shock is just not my cup of tea.

My group of six we know one another, we as a pack allow one another the space that is needed for all to enjoy life.  When you have someone else’s pack come into your pack it changes the dynamics of the pack.  I get grumpy when I have to work around what is not norm for me.  I like that my home is my place to rest recoup and get well.  When it is changed and I can not get the rest or the peace I love I get MAD!!  I know that is the biggest challenge for most of us.  We find that change or a monkey wrench is thrown in our routine life causes chaos in our minds!

Why I ask myself, well I think and one needs to have that quiet time and not have to work at it.  I know my heart is screaming at me that we make our peaceful time where and when ever we want, but I am having a hard time doing that.   Is it because of my illness that causes this I would think it would have a factor on that.  I do not believe all sickness is just a mental state.  I think that as a whole we need to put in factors of all that makes us whole.  The mind the body and the spirit.   If we are not balanced in all three we will have a problem. The problem being what do I let go of say no to yet when am I pushing something out of my life that is there to help me heal?

So back to my pain in the butt this week.  I feel as if I need to tell my son that he needs to find Doggy day care.  I would be fine with the dogs but I need my space too.  I need my sleep and I love to do my meditation as I type the words I feel deep inside.  How can I then help myself to do this? I must interject this here I have the same problem when it comes to having to stop and do anything other than what I want or am doing.  I don’t want it to bother me, yet it is something I have struggled with all my life.  Once I get to that point of letting it go then I wonder what the big deal was, to begin with.  After the kids come and get the pups I am sad and miss them.  I am driving myself mad!!

I think that when I acknowledge what is happening and look at the situation I can see that it is all relative and that I will get done what I want if I stop concentrating on the distraction and allowing it to cause me feelings of anger, resentment, and frustration.  Again it comes down to how we react to the things that are not in our control.  I can control my frustration by allowing it to be there and know that it will not last that long.  Even though it feels like it will never end…

How can I be just as happy with the dogs here? I am realizing that I am doing what I do so that I have this peaceful feeling of them safe and taken care of.  I would worry if they were in a doggy daycare. There I see another issue, I can not always fear that they will not be safe wherever they are. I know that my dogs would be heart broken their little friends would get hurt.  I have to allow my fears from the past to come and stay with me for a while and allow them to heal.

“That seems so hard for me right now.  I feel so angry and frustrated.  I had to pause and meditate and allow my feelings to come to the surface just now”.

  I take very good care of my animals but I have witness how cruel and ugly people can be with them.  They are helpless and have no voice, it would be like when I was a child and watched as my father hurt our animals and me and my siblings had no voice or way of helping them.

It’s hard to trust after you see how callous and hurtful the human being can be.  It’s hard to believe they have a soul in that body. How can someone one you look up to and respect be so mean and hateful towards that that is so precious and little?  I will never be able to understand the lack of empathy and compassion I saw as I was growing up.  I have and still see this in our world today.  I guess there will be those times when you have to wait to understand these things  answered once you get to the other side aka Heaven

A very good day of writing and getting through another past hurt today.  It is amazing to me how much I can have come up when I sit and write about what I am feeling.  I don’t want to settle into a routine life where there are no challenges for me.  Yet that is the very thing that I have taught myself to want.  Life is not about finding a safe place and and hiding out till you die.  I know it is hard for me to face these demons I have deep-seated in my mind, but when you can entice them up to the surface heal and love them, it makes you excited to do more.   Wouldn’t have thought that I would look forward to facing my worst fears!  Wow

On that note we will end this for the day and go get some well deserved food substance.

Tally Ho!


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