I did it! I made a huge change yesterday. It was really hard work but I am so proud of myself. NO, I didn’t do it for anyone else but me. At first, I thought I had. I thought I was doing it to be gracious, but it was one of the biggest fear busting moves yet. As I worked on those fears that popped up, I loved them and let them be. I breathed through the anxiety and the panic attacks, I let the pain I was feeling be OK with me.
It doesn’t matter if I tell you what I over came, what matters is that I did it and now that fear is nothing, it is like dust in a sun shine stream. That which was holding me back because of a past fear, past thoughts, and past beliefs, is still there but it is just floating and dancing in the sunlight, and not causing me the panic and anxiety. When we focus on that which we want to get rid of we make it stronger. I learned that from Kyle Cease this morning. HOW fitting that it fits into what I learned yesterday on my own!! Cool HUH?
Instead of berating myself for not getting through my fears, anxiety, and pain, or how I should be accomplished my healing, I loved the shit out of it. As the tears streamed down my face and the frustration came bubbling up, I loved it. I said it over and over in my mind that I loved it! And it would go away, I really did love what ever it was that was causing me the pain. I even loved the pain. It was not instantaneous but it faded from view little by little and was replaced with a new thought.
I woke this morning feeling as if I have made it over another mountain. I slept great last night as well. I look forward to accomplishing more and more by loving those past fears that may come up when I least expect it. I can’t tell you how it just changed. The meditation, eating good and being my true authentic self, is all I have been practicing. I am kylagoing and that is such a God send I tell you. I love that I can put into my poor limited thoughts a way to let go of those limitations.
I saw such beauty yesterday, but I was struggling with so much fear I had no idea what I was seeing until I got past the fear. Our eyes see so much, and as we feel the fear crumble around us, the beauty around us comes shining through. Like a little sprig of columbine growing out from the side of the road, the strength and that lovely delicate gentle features start to be the center of our focus and everything else kind of blurs out, it’s as if that flower is magical. WE are the same way, as we grow from where-ever we have chosen to arise from, those things that are not that important anymore blur out and we stand there delicate and lovely.
I am seeing such great changes in me as well as those around me. I am not even close to being where I would like to be but I am getting closer. I am excited to see what else comes my way and how I can love me through those changes.
This is going to be a short and sweet blog, it’s off to tea!
Sun light sparkles and love,