My past has lead me to helping others.

This is just a taste of what I am putting into a book I am writing. Hope you enjoy.

My General Practitioner thought I had kidney stones I felt it was something worse. She got me into the local hospital to get an ultra sound.
They found I had a grapefruit size fibroid on my left ovary.

I am going to stop here and express something I have found out about doctors, remember this is just my opinion… I have found in my life time, not one doctor does a full background history. They don’t ask what you have been going through for the past week or month. I am not knocking doctors I am saying this to inform you that doctors are not gods and they do not know it all, they are just like you and me.  That being said you better do your own research if you want to know if they are telling you every thing about your illness.  If you don’t know what is going on then go in and take what they have to say with a grain of salt. When you get home start looking into medical published research on what you were told.  YOUR social media can be a great teacher if you look at it as such.

My doctor never asked me if I had pain on my left side previous to seeing her for the pain in my left side.  I had this pain every month before my Periods, I would have excruciating pain and then after I started my periods it would go away.  I can see the patterns now, but when I was living it, I forget to step back and take stock of it. I was taught that I could not possibly know more than our family doctor. Let me ask you something, in your job right now, can you remember every single thing you learned in training that you don’t use every day? Or do you just remember what you work with every day?  Doctors are the same they have to or should I would think, have to go back to the books and look into what they are guessing you have.  Diagnosis the making of a judgment about the exact character of a disease or other problem, esp. after an examination, or such a

judgment I know they listen to key words but those key words can be a lot of different illnesses.  Just saying.

I was referred to a Gynecologist in a different town from where we live. She was supposed to be one of the best. If I had a clue that she was only in her profession for monetary gain I would have chosen someone else. In fact, I recommend getting a second opinion on everything!! This female GYN was not meant for this job.  This lady had no respect for the female body, and I felt like just one of the many she used to pay her bills with, it sad that she is able to castrate women for the love of money.  It’s something I continue to work on forgiving myself for.  I should have trusted and loved myself better than I did.

She told me it was a fibroid, and as fast as it was growing it could be cancer.  She had no idea how fast it was growing, this was the first time I had ever seen her.  By the way, Cancer is one of the most disgusting words in the English dictionary.   We all have cancer cells in our bodies, yet there are so many times our body will find and destroy a rogue cell, and guess what you didn’t even know it happened.    I went in and did what most uneducated adults do when they hear the word cancer, I panicked and heard my mind screaming I  wanted it out of me. I wish I had known then that fibroids are most likely never cancerous.  But I didn’t know.

This word cancer has become so miss-used by the medical health community as a scare tactic, it should be against the law. Everyone who has been told it could be cancer has the same reaction… Get it out of me!!! I was no different and thought that was my only choice. I was alone in this cold office with no education on my body,  My husband did not go to the office visits and my family was in a different state, and so I had to handle this situation. I can look back now and see that I did feel like something was wrong with what she was telling me.  Hell, she was trying to get me in for surgery that very week.  It was wrong what she was telling me, yet we are taught we need to trust the doctor.  I should have gone home and looked into all that was said to me.  I can blame the pain meds I was on, or that I was scared.  Yet when it comes down to it.  I didn’t trust in me and put too much faith in someone else.

The doctor told me that surgery was the only way to correct my fibroid.  How WRONG was she? Very wrong and I am telling my story because I want to educate those who are going through this that there are MANY different CHOICES. If I had waited till my next monthly it would have gone down in size, drop the stressful job I was in, eaten better organic foods, I would have helped my body recover.   Stop thinking of cancer as a death sentence and start thinking MY BODY CAN HEAL THIS and Then find out how!!

I told her that I would have the fibroid removed as well as the ovary but I did not want a Hysterectomy unless the uterus was full of cancer.  I woke to find that she had taken everything but my right ovary.  I had no way of protecting myself with this person.  There are more laws to protect doctor than there are to protect us.  That day I should have gotten my husband to get me an attorney.  Yet I was so hurt and so doped up and had no idea that I had been wronged.

I went home to recover and went into Panic attacks two days later, which sent me to the hospital again.

I was tested for everything in the world and sent home with no care and no idea what the heck was going on. One doctor told me it may be the pain medicine I was taking after surgery.  So I stop taking everything and just hurt.  I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for three months, finally, after the GYN try to put me on Zoloft, my GP put me on a high dosage of  Xanax.

Xanax is a benzodiazepine and should only be taken for two weeks at the most.  Most doctors including psychiatrists don’t  have the training to give benzos. They have been found to not help with panic attacks and are one of the worst drugs you can take, let me amend that any benzodiazepine is dangerous.   There are lawsuits on these drugs and there have been several deaths related to this drug. If a doctor is not trained in these medicines they have no business prescribing them.  From a newspaper article: Patients Sue Doctors for Creating “Valium Addicts” … Benzodiazepines, or “benzos” (which include Valium, Xanax, Klonopin, and Ativan), are some of the most widely prescribed drugs in the US and Great Britain, and among the most addictive.

I was put on a very high dose and I started to have withdrawals on the medication. Tolerance is a person’s diminished response to a drug, which occurs when the drug is used repeatedly and the body adapts to the continued presence of the drug. I got online and looked up what was happening I found that I was having withdrawal like symptoms while on Xanax,  after doing intense research I saw that I was in big trouble.  I was only to be on this drug in a very low dosage and for only two weeks. I was going on six months and was being prescribed higher and higher dosages.

I was taking higher and higher dosages and the tolerance I was having continued.  I started to see some pretty bad side effects.  I was not breathing at night and was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  My blood pressure was high as well as my blood sugar.  I was gaining weight and I had no way of doing any exercise for fear of falling from being so dizzy.  The benzo was taking over my mental and physical body functions that were suppose to be automatic.

I was seeing a moron for a chiropractor at the time and when he said that my liver was dying I decided I needed to get off the benzo,  under the recommendation of this and I hate even calling him a chiropractor, because there are some wonderful chiropractor out there; but he told me I could quit the benzo cold turkey.

I signed up to become a Holistic Health Practitioner and a Master Herbalist, at a natural healing college in California and started to educate myself on herbal medicines, aroma therapy, crystals, meditation, healing energies, and classes on the human body.  I took anatomy five times in a three-year span and worked my butt off to help myself understand what this benzo was changing chemically in my body.

I was seeing a different general Practitioner after I lost faith in the one I was seeing when all my health started to go down hill.  I was all so seeing an identical Hormone doctor too

While still bringing my dosage down on the Xanax I went to this hormone doctor and started HRT’S I also started to see an Osteoarthritis specialist who wanted me to start on an antidepressant,  got on thyroid meds, vitamins and minerals.    I was seeing a psychiatrist and he put me on anti-seizure medicines.  I only took those for two days and then stopped them when I felt like I was going to pass out.  NOT one doctor took a look into the benzo to see if that may have been my problem.

I had been through the hands of six doctors who all prescribed me more medications with more toxic side effects. One day while trying to watch tv and a surgery show came on I broke down crying and screaming, I remembered waking up on the operating table while still being operated on!!  So wonder I had had the panic attacks.  I knew when I went under and my blood felt like it was on fire that something was not right.  The anesthesiologist was so mean to me and I remember her yelling at me to count backward from 100.

That was the cause of the panic attacks but by now I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, PTSD, IBS and many more things.  The Xanax had me in pain every day, I could not hear well and I could not see colors. I was not able to function anymore. Nothing that I took was helping, I tried to continue on with normal life but I had become a ticking time bomb, that was about to blow.

To add insult to injury we had our house catch fire and burned down, we lost 80% of the house. The kids, me and my husband were without clothes and all basics. My meds were in the house and after a fire, I was not able to get a prescription for that night.  I was one sick person thank goodness I had a couple half doses in my purse that my daughter and I had grabbed before the fire was too out of control.

The insurance company insured the wrong house and hired an asshole of a contractor. It was one fight after another to get a camper set up on our property. I wanted to be close to the kid’s school and we had a pregnant miniature donkey.

Let’s just say anyone who has worked with an insurance company knows you can get messed over especially if it is a messed up insurance company.  Lesson learned.

When my GP Doctor had gone on vacation I was nearly finished with my prescription of Xanax I knew if I didn’t get a refill I would go into seizures. I had been back to my school work and was learning all I could about this benzo. I was off of everything else, yet I  knew it would be easier to get off heroin than this benzo.  I was in big big trouble!!

I called my Hormonal Doctor and told her what had happened, and asked if she could help me, she wrote me a prescription for a 10 day supply.

When my GP got back I let him know what had happened, he wrote another prescription for me.  I was in the process of cutting my dosage big time. I knew I needed to get off of Xanax if I didn’t then there might be a chance I would never get off of it.  Time was against me!!

I had been on it for over two years. And the longer I was on it the harder it would be to get over what it had been changing and rearranging in my body.

Side note here >>> Some people can take Xanax and stop it and not have one withdrawal.  And the reason for this is because we are all chemically different and metabolize chemicals very differently.

My local prescription store called my GP Doctor, and red flagged me, telling my GP that I had gotten a previous prescription from a different doctor.  My primary told them to cancel my prescription.  No call no remember I had told him what had happened, I had become the dreaded drug addict and he wanted to drop me like a hot potato.

Not knowing what was going on after my 10 days of meds were gone I went to pick up my prescription and was told that it was canceled.  My GP  wrote me a letter and sent it certified mail, telling me that he would not be my doctor anymore. I was with out meds and a doctor, I was a druggy!

I went into full withdrawals Sept 17, 2010, 3:40 pm.  I went into seizures at that very hour also.

My kids took turns holding me while I had convulsions for nearly two weeks.  I needed help to walk to the bathroom, getting up and down off the toilet. I was so unstable in walking that I had to have someone near at all times in case I fell.  I sat to take a shower. My children took over everything, the cooking, cleaning and going shopping for food.

My kids lost their mom that day and had to take over everything. I was bed ridden for two years.  I have a tough time trying to forgive myself for what happened to them.  One day mom was doing mom things the next I was a drug addict crashing and trying not to die.

For the next three and a half years after being bed ridden I went through what they call Protracted Withdrawals.
The following symptoms hit me for the next 5 years day after day night after night after my last dose of Xanax:

◾Aches and pains
◾Agitation and restlessness
◾Anxiety, possible terror, and panic attacks
◾Blurred vision
◾Chest pain
◾Depression (can be severe), possible suicidal ideation
◾Derealization (feelings of unreality)
◾Dilated pupils
◾Double vision
◾Dry mouth
◾Electric shock sensations
◾Elevation in blood pressure
◾Fatigue and weakness
◾Flu-like symptoms
◾Gastrointestinal problems
◾Hearing impairment
◾Hot and cold spells
◾Increased sensitivity to touch
◾Increased sensitivity to sound
◾Increased urinary frequency
◾Impaired concentration
◾Impaired memory and concentration
◾Loss of appetite and weight loss
◾Metallic taste
◾Mild to moderate Aphasia
◾Mood swings
◾Muscular spasms, cramps or fasciculations
◾Nausea and vomiting
◾Numbness and tingling
◾Obsessive compulsive disorder
◾Perception that stationary objects are moving
◾Postural hypotension
◾REM sleep rebound
◾Restless legs syndrome
◾Sounds louder than usual
◾Taste and smell disturbances
◾Visual disturbances

I was lucky that I didn’t develop all the symptoms listed below.

An abrupt or over-rapid discontinuation of benzodiazepines may result in a more serious and very unpleasant withdrawal syndrome that may additionally result in:

◾Catatonia, which may result in death
◾Convulsions, which may result in death
◾Coma (rare)
◾Delirium tremens
◾Homicide ideations
◾Narcoleptic malignant syndrome-like event (rare)
◾Organic brain syndrome
◾Post-traumatic stress disorder
◾Suicidal ideation
◾Urges to shout, throw, break things or harm someone

I am alive and have survived and come back from death.  I lived through something that a lot of folks don’t and I have a some very awesome things to show for it.  I also have some heart aches for what those around me had to witness and go through.

I am now a licensed Holistic Health Practitioner and work as a teacher on holistic medicines.  I have done what no doctor has, I saved my own ass, I am so proud of me.  I love to help other people find their way in healing themselves.

This is just a rough outline on all I went through.

It is my dream and passion to help others find their way.  I still have more healing to go.  I found out after 20 years suffering from depression and lack of energy that I have Lyme Disease.. could that be why I had such a hard time fighting what Xanax had done to my body?  It could be, I will be studying more on that.  My biggest help in my recovery was my heart.  I listen to my heart and I trusted it.  If I had listened to my mind I know I would not have come out of this like I have. I would have continued going to doctors and being an experiment for them.

I had to trust in things I knew nothing about.  We are not taught how to treat diseases with plants,  good whole organic foods, and clean water.  My heart leads me to the herbs that I needed at the time.  I had to connect to the earth and listen to it.  When I was frightened and in huge amounts of pain, I had to trust that my body could handle it and would make it through it.  There is no one cure-all pill.  I’m sorry to say this to you but there isn’t.

I hope you enjoy this little exert from a book I started writing, about all that I have come about in my life and helped fire up my desire to help others.  


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