Last night might have been the worst in a long time; Panic attack from hell and the worse body pains I have had in a while. That is the good news though. Yet as you are going through them and then in recovery… well you just don’t feel all that happy and sunny.
And that is OKAY!
I know it is herxing my body is in a war with a killer and there are some days I am victorious and others where I am not. And I retreat and build up my warriors for another day. I have survived what some have not. I need to celebrate each and every day of war-fair and victory.
I was supposed to go for a nice mountain drive, that will not be happening. My body is having a hard reaction to that which has been attacking it for many years. I will be lucky if I can make some breakfast and finish this blog. Yeah, go me!! Really Yeah me!!
A huge migraine, the aches and pains in all my muscles and joints, I have a 5000-pound suit on as I try to walk up and down two steps, it is like climbing a 14,000-foot mountain. Just walking feels like I am walking through tar. My 20 lbs teacup is giving my biceps a work out that is for sure. And I feel like I am on naked and afraid and have had no water for three days in 100-degree heat and humidity. I am having chills and the sweats. Hear ye hear ye… all come and watch as this lovely lady has to turn down the pressure of her shower so it doesn’t wash away her skin. It hurts to brush my hair. If feels like I am using dental tools to brush it. I stand there in tears as I try to get as many tangles out of my curly hair. OWWWW
No, I don’t need conditioner, no I don’t want an OTC drug that will only poison me more and keep this pain going on. MY body is fighting it and it hurts! Yet why are we taught to dismiss our hurts; take this pill or suffer in silence is all the advice we get most days.
NO NO NO I will not lay low and be quiet so it doesn’t bother you deep down inside of that distracted, noncaring body you are walking around in like so kind of zombie. I get so mad when I ask how someone is and their partner, friend or whom ever says… Oh they are alright, they were just busy today.
SCREW YOU!! I asked them. I want to hear it from their lips. So shut up and let them answer K???
I am sorry for the harshness, I am angry and disappointed and that is just me today, I feel like I need to get this out there. STOP minimizing others hurts and struggles!! It is not any of your business!!
When I get a good day I go do something to celebrate it, even if it is my exercises. I love my good days and I am learning to love my bad days. My harsh hard days are the days I know my body is kicking ass and I need to sit back give it what it needs and let to have at it. My body is in a war to survive. If I make it out, to be a bad thing then I will fail at healing no if and or buts!
WE need to celebrate the victories we have on our repair days, it’s sad that we are taught to ignore them and get through them as fast as we can and don’t let it disrupt your routine of a life. How silly to live like that!!
I will try to enjoy the day with a movie, good organic foods, times of rest and reading a great book. Maybe even a little something comforting like a good cry. I could sit here and feel sorry for myself but there isn’t any reason to do so. I will light some incense, sit back get comfortable and let my body know I appreciate all that it is struggling with. Thank you body for all your hard work!
Tomorrow is another day and I know it will be better it always works out that way.
Be good to you and allow you to come through even on the not so good days,