Missing the person you thought you were

There was a time when I allowed my imagination to make up a story. Then I awoke and had to face the truths.

I woke this morning from a dream where I was going from room to room destroying darkness.  Literally dark shadows that were causing the humans of this earth to forget their higher self.  The darkness kept them in a state of drama, despair and kept them distracted from finding their hearts.  The thought from this darkness was to keep everyone from living their truth, the glorious journey that we all come here to find and share.

It got me to thinking… how was I able to get out of the shadow of the wrong teachings I was taught by my mother and father and society.   I guess my biggest break was when I turned off the news, the tv, and social media.

I still find that when I post something on Facebook I want to see if anyone liked, that constant appreciation that makes me feel like I am worthy somehow.  Yet it is all false in so many ways.  I would much rather be face to face with these people who I call my friends.  I would love to see their expressions or to feel the energy that is them.  Once you disconnect from the energies of electronics you find that when you go back to it… it lacks so much.

I told a friend the other day my imagination is “awesome”. <—- I sang that last word.  I put so much imagination into my own relationship that when I awoke I came to see that what I was imagining was nothing more than that.  I was like wow… what a fantasy I was living in.  The true colors of my illusion came up and slapped me across the face.   My hurts, fear, and pain from the past had me paralyzed into thinking that I was not in charge of my life.  As a child, we can only survive, yet as we step out into adulthood we keep those fears with us until we face them and heal them.

I have found this week I am talking to my heart more and more about everything I feel and then I get quiet and let my heart talk back.  Sound crazy?  How about this, remember as a kid when you would go to your room and talk to yourself about that cute guy or girl you liked or how your mom is delusional if she thinks you’re going to stay around her one more day after your 18th birthday.  That was your heart, not your mind you were talking to.  The mind likes to keep us safe and that means it will make us fear anything new that it hasn’t lived before.  The heart is the one who says… try it!

My journey into this place called Me is the best journey yet.  I have faced more drama, adventures, pain, and joy in this place called Me than any book or movie.  It’s amazing that the story that is Me has so many twists and turns in my life story.  My poor wrongly educated brain seems to want to sabotage me every move I try to make.  It isn’t because it is hateful it just doesn’t know any better. Oh but then The heart comes to the rescue showing the mind the super power of love and how love can conquer any evil doings.   What a great place Me is!!!

How do you find the YOU that is in need of your healing and help?  Turn off the distractions.  No TV, News, No FB time and sit and talk with yourself.  To bad we have been taught that is not socially acceptable to talk about yourself and to trust in that radical heart we have.  Crazy how we have been dummied down and taught to not trust in ourselves.

There are lots of struggles I am working on in my life.  My imagination has helped me not to see what I am trying to see.  It is easy to allow the mind to become distracted and keep us in a place that is safe!   My imagination didn’t want me to see the realism that is out there.  Yet as the veil is lifted I am grateful to see what is truly out there, not all of it is horrible.  I was missing some very pretty and fun places.

I think that is what I was referencing to last night with a friend on the imagination.  I thought that my partner in life was a traveler but as I am finding out quite the opposite.  I think that I am finding there is quite a lot that we have different plans for in our lives. I love family and all that includes, yet some people like to be loners and do their own things.  That is not for me. And I shouldn’t make someone do just what I want, your partner should have the same likes as you, right?. You should complement one another.
 It isn’t fair that anyone loses out in what they want to do in their Journey.  It’s a scary thing in life when we find that we don’t have that same drive in where our lives are leading us, and no we don’t want to leave people behind.  Yet if we don’t we start to resent and hate because we feel they are keeping us from growing. Heck, maybe we will help them to awaken by taking that leap and moving on in our life path.
That is something I have learned here recently I can’t drag someone to finding their hurts and healing them, there is no use if they are  kicking and screaming, letting go of their beliefs isn’t for us to dictate… look how the government is doing the same thing and that isn’t going very well is it?
I can’t keep myself down and not go the way I am called to go.  Fear is the biggest obstacle to over come when it comes to a long time relationship that is not working out.  Yeah, you are right there comes a time in the relationship where both just give up and there is this false quiet that comes over you both. There might even be that laugh and good spirit talking.
  Yet you know how you feel that uneasiness creep in amongst you.  It’s like the movie Alien… you know that ugly beast is out there and it is going to show its ugliness at the worst time.  You got the radar up but you’re acting all cool, and then a shitty comment in the store or around the family comes up and your like a lion hunter waiting for the lion to pounce, your body has been so tight that you can feel your reaction to this way out there, your reaction comes bubbling to the surface before you know it and you snap.  And everyone looks at you like you just lost your mind, and you know what you did, the conditioning for years, the endless on the ready stance you have to react at moments notice you live with every single day.
I know it comes from a long time of hurt that I am the way I am, and they are just them, and they also come from a place of hurt as well.  There isn’t one of us who had a perfect life.  It is sad we have not!  That doesn’t mean we can’t get out of that kind of stress and ugliness, know that you do have the choice in life. I don’t want to let anyone go, it is in my nature to nurture and I don’t want to say goodbye.  But sometimes we don’t have a choice in that matter.  I know …sad.
My message from the heart this morning was, you can not make choices for other people.  You can not learn or make those around you better.  They have to learn and face that in their own time.  That sucks… because I know how good I feel and I want to help others to have the same benefits.  I’ll pray really hard that they find their way and find their happiness.    So enough of the should, could, might be and let’s get going in this here life.
Ever wonder what would make life’s fleeting pain and sorrow totally and unquestionably “worth it”?
How about living forever, wildly in love and loved wildly?
Yeah, baby—
  The Universe


I got up this morning and started my exercises again, I have been having some herxing issues with my Lyme disease and have been resting while going through them.   I am going to start a new routine I found on FB and I  really like it.   I added the link to this dance exercise I am found so you can check it out…  It is so cool and I look forward to putting it to use tomorrow morning or I think I will add it to my night-time routine.  I picked up a new CD as well so there you go.  One more step on my way to a better healthier me.

Hope you have a great and healing day!



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