The Story in me

To expect and out-come is like throwing your dreams in a mud- hole and hoping they grow. Fight for the salvation of your story with spirit, Love and Emotion.

My story has many beautiful tales…. I have witness wonderful events in my life.

I have created life and watched them, loved them and cried for them. I watch as they stood on strong legs that had no idea they could walk, I struggle to learn and grow with them as they too finally go forth into the sunlight.  I get those glimpses of them sitting in a room full of toys discovering their creativity, their emotions, their triumphs. There will be days I still see them come running in for a hug. In our minds, the story of them runs on and on.

To have been all the people I was to them was one of the best rewards in my story.

My story has been of my own struggles and finding of beauty in the discord of this world. It is easy for us to look at our losses and even those things that we have not accomplished, but what if you stopped and looked at what you have withstood.

I got up this morning wanting to write my daughter a letter on what I think she is doing wrong to me.  Yet I can not bring up these thoughts for I don’t want to keep reliving my disappointment in her.  In fact, it is my expectation that has me thinking she has disappointed me.  When do you finally let it go and forget what you expected and allow what will be…. be?

I can live with expectations that will never be realized or I can acknowledge them thank them and let them go like a feather on an air current.  Life is not supposed to be all about death, sadness, loss, and depression.  At least I don’t want mine to be.  All that disappointment is me and my thoughts on how things should have been.  Why fight the flow of the river when you can let go and let the current take you to beautiful places you never knew were there.  The unlearning of fighting your way to the top is now needed here.

My mind keeps reminding me of all the time I am missing with my daughter, I stop and think what if I was never to have had that time in the first place?  I was taught that I was owed these things, there was no guarantee that what I am expecting is supposed to be, NON.

Ahhh this is where the mind wants to scream and anger wants to arise.  I shall through a fit and demand that I get what I wanted.  If not then I will stay in a funk and be in a foul mood forever???  I am not promised those things that I thought were mine to have. So what am I to do?

I must mourn them and love those ideas I had, they were great loving thoughts, but like sand, it slips through your fingers, away they tumble to your feet,  and you awaken to see the beauty around you, let the tears come and know that better will replace those limited thoughts.  Give yourself time….

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I love Butterflies, they remind me that there will be times in my life where I will need to go into the dark and transform.  These times when I am witnessing the losses or going through tough times of healing, I remind myself these are when I am transforming the most. I use to fight and struggle against these times.  I am learning to get comfortable with all those emotions that surface and work their magic for the betterment of me.

Why do we forget the love and beauty that we witness every day when we have an expectation broken?  I think it is a form of control that we have to mourn and it makes us nervous to not be in control.  Yet look here the only control I truly have is in how I react to My situation and surroundings.    I can be disgruntled and angry or I can be in a state of thankfulness and grow with the ups and well as the downs.

It’s sad how I was taught to not appreciate the lows in my life, to be ever so grateful for the lessons I am learning in this dark times.

I guess it is like death, we are in fear of death instead of celebrating the transformation back to spirit. The worthless work towards money, the corruptions, and greed take away the magnificence of Life and Death. If there was no wants for materialism what would our world be like?  Would we care for our sick in natural ways, would we love the earth and all she has to offer?  How ironic we see that very thing happening in our history books.  The native Indians did these very things.

Instead, we pick our earth apart, poison her and all that inhabit her.  Gone are those who care for those who are having difficult times, and replaced by the head of state or church and bureaucracy that keeps all sick for the gain of power and money.   May they have nightmares and awaken to the fact that they are killing their own for their own gain.  Enough said…..

I’ll continue to sail on in this story of mine, navigating the gentle and choppy seas of life. I’ll fly with butterflies in my dreams. I will teach the people to heal themselves with natural goods of the earth, I will fight for the betterment of our world and those who care for her.  I am a speaker for that which was driven into forgetfulness.  I will pray for my daughter to find her way and be the warrior of the spirits of Feeling and Love,  I know she will be great I  taught her how to believe in herself.   If that makes me a dreamer, then so be it.  My way is not hurting anyone, for I fight for the salvation of this never-ending story that is ME.

Find the story that is you and bring it to life.

Love and hugs,





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