Living from the Heart

I have found a pretty cool thing out, especially as I have been meditating, exercising and eating more organic whole foods. I take natural medicines and leave the doctors alone.   I am learning to live from my heart not my mind.

1st meditation brings up every little thing you have repressed or made excuses to hide from.  It makes you angry and you have these big old fights with the old and new you.  I read where you have an inner child deep inside that has repressed all you have ever gone through.  He or she is very MAD!!  My inner child has had to eat every thing that I have ever experienced and let me tell you she is a real Bitch!  I also have found out that she really is justified to be that way as well.

2nd Exercising after being sick for over 9 years is a struggle and you need to start out slowly.  And yes it still hurts even if you start out slowly.  This morning I got up to do my normal, let out the dogs, get my mushroom tea and thought well I can skip the old exercise routine today.  NOOOOPE!  My inner self was disappointed with me I could feel the old me , the mind controlled me,  that makes up excuses come forward and say ” Yes you can skip today we have shopping and running around to do.  But my heart said you will be so proud if you did the time and exercised plus the running around.

3rd Eating organic, means no fast food and no prepackaged foods.  I haven’t had a soda in nearly 4 months.  I have only had two soda’s in a year.  I give myself a root beer once in a great while, and I make sure it is homemade and organic.  Yes here in Colorado we have micro brewer’s that make homemade root beer.  Thank GOD!!   It’s become a habit to find that I can taste the difference to non organic foods.  Even the condiments we use are organic.  It’s fun to find mom and pap shops that cook with only natural foods as well.  No GMO and absolutely no MSG. No white sugar ever.  I love this part of my life for I am a foodie and it is a challenge to find whole  yummy foods.

4th Stay away from doctors.  I see only a chiropractor every 3 to 6 months.  I will not go to a GP for fear that they being controlled but bug pharma will only want to find something that will allow them to put me on meds.  I have had them search with a fine tooth comb anything to get me on a prescription.  I have panic attacks just driving over to do a yearly look at me don’t touch me appointment.  I don’t believe in radiating breast tissue and since I was castrated there isn’t any reason to do a pelvic exam! As you can tell I have no respect for a human that takes an oath to do no more harm yet does that anyways.  I have yet to find a doctor who lives by the Hippocratic Oath!

So there you have it the beginning of a life style that helps me to heal, live from my heart and even spiritually grow.

As I am coming to grips with my hurt inner child I find that a lot of my hurt comes from fear from my past.  It’s a journey to go deep into the pain and allow that which I had pushed and shoved down to come back to the surface.  I find that not only do I have to deal with the emotional but I have to deal with the physical pain it brings up.  It angers me that as we grow up we are told to stop crying, get over your feelings and you cannot get angry.  WHY on earth would we teach our children to stifle the very thing that God gave us to transverse this earth.  WE are meant to live a full and enriched life, and that includes living your emotions.  I am not saying you go out and clobber a fellow human who pisses you off but you can look at that anger and find out why your bringing it up.

What if you found out that anger or hurt wasn’t from that someone but a memory from a the way you felt in a past experience.  That same memory can keep you trapped in all things in life.  It could keep you from moving on in a bad marriage, or a sucky Job or just growing as an emotional adult.   It is your feeling of how you think something should be and yet because it isn’t happen like you want you find you get angry, stuck, sad, depressed ect.  

This thought has been a big eye opener to me.  It  has given me the feeling of freedom as well.  Life is great and what is happening is supposed to be happening.  We change the world by acknowledging that the feelings we are having are our expectations on what we think things should be like, for we were taught by our parents, school, church and society that very aspect, but here is the kicker it isn’t for you to direct the world.  No matter what you have been taught. If you truly live in your heart, you can say thank you to those who bring up those past fears, past hurts as well as helping you to let go and be better for it.   Thank you for kicking my butt!

My daughter and I have been estranged from one another for over 8 months.  She took my granddaughter from me as well.  The reasoning she has done this makes no sense to me.  Yet there isn’t anything I can do, or is there?  I had a dream this morning of telling my daughter how sad I was for her. That I hadn’t done anything to warrant this treatment and that she will have to deal with her own issues alone and without me being a punching bag for her.  I went on to tell her that I would not allow her to hurt me anymore with this issue of abandonment that has come bubbling up from my past.  I can now say thank you Daughter for helping me to face a fear I have had, I am not alone nor shall I ever be.  I don’t have to take her abuse to keep her in my life, Like I have before,  and one day soon I will see my granddaughter again.

I let go of my expectation on the outcome I thought that should be right.  I had not done this so it is not mine to pick up and feel badly about.

Living from my brain I felt I should get an attorney and fight for my granddaughter or call Doctor Phil, maybe send a volatile letter telling her how much of an ass she was.  Yet my heart was saying, she is hurting, she has a fear and she is projecting that out and you happen to be in the line of fire.

I can’t make anyone do what I think is right, it’s not my way, my heart tells me to go on and let this play out.  So I will allow the thought to come and go, I will cry when I see a little girl that reminds me of my granddaughter, I will trust that everything is the way it should be.  Thank you Buffy for helping me to let go of another deep seeded thought that is not for my greater good.  I love you!

Life is not about controlling our lives or those around us.  I have a wonderful friend that  I love dearly and there was a time up until recently I felt I had to control how our friendship would progress.  I thought that a soul mate was only one, but there will be many who cross our life path.  Everyone one who has been in my life was meant to be, to bring healing to bring those things that needed healing up so I can accept them and let the go.  Yet we can put blocks up in our lives when we think that a certain situation should go a certain way.

I have had to let those thoughts go, I don’t want to block the way my life is supposed to go, because I feel like I am waiting for others to catch up with where I am in my beliefs. My belief is not their belief.

I am terrible about sharing video’s or articles of transitioning from one thought to another within my heart, and thinking this will hit others the same way.  It’s hard to let go of my expectation I have for those around me,  I have to let go of the strangle hold I have on changing others around me to think like me.  When we find a wonderful special person that is in our life, it doesn’t mean that we will have a love affair waiting around the corner with them. They may very well only be a friend or a lover for a short time.  It can be a reality slap to realize that what you thought would happen doesn’t, now for the work of accepting and let go of the expectations.  UGHHH I have to really work on this.  It’s good to share what your learning, no problem with that, but it is the accepting that those who are around will find their own way in their own time.

The sad and the good of this is that you will lose and gain people in these ahh haa moments.  I have to remember that I will meet up with all who crossed my path at the end of my life time.  We all get to be together again down the road.  That helps when you lose a special person in your life.

So Here I go down my life path, looking for the blessing from the heart, quieting the mind and loving life everyday.  I hope this helps your journey make a bit more sense.  Love and light

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