How many times have I been held back because of Fear? Great question? But what is truly is fear? I thought fear was that feeling you get when your on a rollercoaster or when you are afraid of heights. I am finding out that most of my life has been lived in Fear. I am learning to let myself do those things I make up excuses not to do.
Lets take my Lyme Disease as an example. I have been sick for much of my lIfe. In fact the more I look inward, the more I am seeing that most of my decision-making was based on Fear. There is the fear I have of sharing my life story. That fear that someone will disagree with me, on what I am feeling, traversing and figuring out. Stupid huh? Not really it’s all learned as we grow up. I am always thinking and wondering what others will think of what I’m saying or thinking, but are they really, maybe they are too worried about what I am may be thinking about them. How much easier would it be if we could just say what we want and not have to worry what someone might say about it.
I am learning to let that go, it doesn’t matter what they think or say. It has nothing to do with them. I love how Author Kyle Cease says, most of the time when we are talking, we are giving ourselves advice. I enjoy my Facebook post now that I see that they are for me, or they are speaking of the journey I am on at that time in my life. I know folks have said I post a lot but it is how I express myself.
Most fears started when we were children. I learned what I needed to know but when it came to feeling my own thoughts, I was told how to feel and think those thoughts. Then my church and when I started school there again I was taught how to think and what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Ughhhh what the HECK!? So wonder there are so many people who have no idea what to feel or say. I love to be happy and I need to keep that happy with me. I am ok if I mess up or that I am not perfect. I love the messy me.
I have seen where Fear keeps things from happening because Fear was a friend to me. Fear lets me know I could mess up or maybe even die if I even thought to try something different. I have been there, I start to get on that cool ride and then realize I may be the one person who falls off the dang thing. Fear is different from that little voice or gut instinct.
It is so much easier to have my ego cause me problems in the way of keeping me from trying something that is out of my comfort zone. I can make up more excuses in five minutes than anyone I know. I can see more unfortunate events in one single hour before leaving for a nice country drive. And why shouldn’t I?! In 60 Minutes of watching tv I can see all the horrors going on in and around the world. I face and deal with the hurts from my own family member. IN fact Horror movies don’t affect me like my own life does!!
So I stop watching the tv shows that are of the real world and watch the Disney channel. I do watch Josh on expedition unknown or a haunting. At least those are not all negative hate and crime, yet after telling folks I won’t watch the news< I’m told I have my head in the sand. Really??? Ok I am so alright with that. I love the color of sand.
We can make up so many excuses to stay in a marriage, bad job, or keep taking crap from a loved one. I got comfortable taking on the abuse the sad days. No I’m not happy with my marriage. I want a partnership, someone to play and share with. I miss the laughter and the happy times of being just me. There I said it I typed it even I am facing my fears.
Why? Its super easy to make up fear based reasons not to let go. But what if you put love to it, found the reason for being ok and learn why you needed to have those difficult times in your life, and yet it can be ok if the marriage doesn’t work out, the loved one moves on or you find a different job. I was taught that you stayed together forever, that family is all you got and you must have that crappy job to keep a roof over your head or food on the table. That would be great if we were happy being in all that negativity, maybe we could be happy if we saw that we were helping one another grow in the marriage or that the loved one recognized the hurt they were inflicting, maybe the job will get better, helping you become the completed soul we came here to be. Fear keeps that dialog what if going on…
What if you don’t want to continue getting along, pretending your ok with all the negativity around? How do you stop continuing to follow the same path, the thought that it may get better, or they will see what they are doing and stop. Kyle says that favorite saying we love to say submarines our creativity. What is that saying… Deep down. I feel deep down that things will get better, deep down it will all get better. Kyle asked the best question. How come we can’t live in the deep down right now?
Have you ever felt light as a feather after being around someone who except you as you? How about how you felt when you allowed yourself to say or do what you felt in your heart was the right way to go. I feel ten foot tall and bullet proof when I do what I feel is right. I feel light as air and want to shout it from the tops of the trees. I laugh and cry and it feels so good to just be me. Guess what that’s the way your suppose to feel every moment of your life. When you aren’t it is time to get out, to change you so you can have that light wonderful happy feeling. It’s time to tell the ego OK, so what, I’ll take the consequences for that, Cool and I am alright with that.
It’s easy to be afraid of finding my health better. I have lived with this lyme disease for a very long time. It has been my friend and tormentor for many years. Why or how could I ever dream that I could live without it. YET… I am learning just that. I don’t need to be sick to get love and attention. I can allow myself to get better. I can allow myself to dream of new challenges and loves. It won’t get better till I love it for how horrible or sad it is. It won’t get better till I am ok with what is going on in my life. Once you except it… it looses that control. The ego can’t use it against you anymore. If ego comes up to you and says you can’t get out of the illness, look at all those who have been trying and are still sick, I can find the blessing in the all natural ways I am beating this illness. I can share those days I am beating my illness. I can find a reason to love where I am, because as soon as I love it or acknowledge it, I move on. Look back at your life, when you stopped fighting what ever it was that was making you upset, sad or angry, what happened? You either moved on or stayed and kept suffering with you fear.
I write about my ups and downs, if they help someone else it’s most certainly a complete accident. (Laughing) Or is it? I feel like there are friends who will post something I needed to hear and I am so grateful they posted it. It was what I needed to hear at that moment. I feel if I keep inside all that I am learning I start to get anxiety and bothered. I feel we are here to help each other learn and move forward. The greatest illusion is thinking we are settled. There is no settle till the day we move from these earthy bodies.
Did you know that most of our reaction is from the past, our hurt or anger our FEAR? I didn’t either until Kyle Cease told me. Then I had that Ahhaha moment. I love how Kyle Says we laugh when we have that breakthrough. I love How Joan Rivers said, find humor in everything. I love to laugh so why shouldn’t I find that light at the end of the tunnel. How about this it’s ok to say the first thing on your mind. It may not be appropriate.. but it’s your authentic self! How nice would it feel to lift off all those restrictions you have had placed on you, be they outside sources or from yourself?
Here is another fear I am working through… Love. What is love? Love is that feeling you get when you see your kids having fun, or that feeling of the cool wind blowing through your hair. Love it that feeling of a hug or the smell of the earth before it rains. To me Love is seeing my love ones, friends and strangers… happy! I love to see kindness or hear the voice of a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. Love is so many things. Yet we let fear defeat it, before it can show its true grandeur. Why? It is easier to let go of love and allow fear in then to feel uplifted and happy? The answer should be, it is easier to let go of fear!
I Started to meditate. I turn off the phone and tv. I sit with a cup of tea and as Kyle Cease puts it so well… ” Allow the show that is in my mind, the dialogue the crap that I don’t need to move through me.” I acknowledge it and ask myself if I need that fear anymore? Guess what there is a mountain of fear that I am letting go. First fear to go today… Stop being afraid to write what’s in my heart. I will not live in the brain or Ego. I want to live in my heart. My heart will not hurt me nor anyone else, and it will help me to grow to the spiritual and loving person I want to be. I am becoming my authentic Me.
Do you love what Kyle Cease has brought up. Then I suggest you grab his book ‘I hope I screw this up” You can find him on Facebook and YouTube. Trust me I will be reading his book and watching more on him. He has helped me dump a lot of fear that I do not need, that I have had for years.